


The Last Amazing Grays

by Goldscythe (Darial_Kuznetsova)



Series: Nuclear Winters [6]
Category: Battle Beast, Finnish Music RPF, Nightwish, Sonata Arctica, Stratovarius, The 69 Eyes
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, F/M, M/M, Nuclear Winter, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Nuclear War, Sami Shamanism, Shamanism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-03-19 04:28:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13696857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darial_Kuznetsova/pseuds/Goldscythe
Summary: Years after the Shaman Grand Masters have assumed their places, the life has settled down, but what kind of winds do The Great Meeting they all have been receiving hints of bring? Losses, gains, conflicts and changing times.





	1. Will we see a new one rise behind us?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChristianHowe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChristianHowe/gifts).



Years inched by, marked by subtle changes in the air and temperatures, but it gave them a chance to seek out other options for food, but still, it was mainly fish, some reindeer and what little they could get from the nearly exhausted supply of grains. Few babies were born, children grew to teens and young adults, adults got older.

Tony knocked on the door of an older hut, hearing a faint answer from inside until Lauri came to open the door. He smiled at the tall man, who let him into the dim light inside. The hut was simply furnished, two elevated beds, few stump seats around the hearth and the crackling fire, fishing supplies and a witch drum on the wall, a couple of chests next to the walls and a shelf holding trinkets.

"Hope I didn't interrupt anything?"

"Not at all, I was just about to decide do I go out fishing today or not," Lauri shook his head and pulled his curls back into a ponytail. When he moved to get outer clothes from the chest, Tony spotted a mop of blond hair from the swaddle of blankets and snorted. Rolf still had the habit of cocooning himself to the blankets and furs, sometimes making Lauri comment on his cover hog of a partner, earning a swipe and a smirk anyway.

"Hey, Tony..." He turned when he heard his name called and saw the person he came to see this morning. Timo was sitting on furs by his bed, carving simple motifs onto a small box, something he had picked up from Matias.

The older man's health had been gradually deteriorating and Tony was starting to suspect he was the only thing keeping Timo alive since he felt somewhat lethargic himself. Terhi had told him Timo most likely had the anchor bond on his side tightly reigned in to keep Tony from sensing any of his discomforts, or anything really. The loss of Matias a little over 5 years ago was the last straw and Tony knew, seeing Terhi often didn't help. Even he had to admit, the twins were truly similar in looks. The same face, eyes, even manners, but with a difference. Terhi was literally calm water to Jani's raging inferno, those were Timo's exact words one night they had just kept each other company outside.

Tony sat beside his anchor-by-necessity, still feeling bad about having put Timo through so much during the battle against Juha. He smiled, when Timo wiped the lid of the box clean with a bunched-up piece of fur, revealing the design in its entirety.

"You're quite good," he said quietly, admiring the angular, but delicately carved motifs.

"Not really, but I need to do something... I..."

"I know..." Tony knew the older man wanted to be of use, he had confided to him of his fear of being useless, in a society that required everyone's effort to function. He looked up at the sound of rustling and quiet words. Lauri had dragged Rolf to sit up to the edge of the bed, the shaman not really awake yet, but he seemingly knew what Lauri was saying and where he was going to go.

He glanced to the side and noticed Timo looking at the earth shaman as well. Rolf, now in his mid-thirties, had lost some of his boyish looks, but the smile was still the same, radiant and friendly. He had re-evaluated his opinions on him, when he witnessed the long overdue talk between the shaman and his former long-time anchor, Elias and how he was sort of a big-brother-and-mentor to his son.

"Rolf, your student will be here soon, better wake up..." Lauri brushed the tangled blond hair from his beloved's face and peered down.

"Oh, right..."

Lauri had kept Timo as his cabin-mate after Matias had died and taken in Rolf later when the shaman had anchored to him. Jens had at this point moved out, claiming he was too old to be kept up by other people fornicating. Timo and Lauri had gotten a good laugh that day, while Tony himself had been just as dismayed as Rolf.

Tony and Jyrki had both opted out of living in the former shaman cabin, giving it to Noora and Pyry, who had a son two years ago, and Terhi and Risto with their apprentice, Ari, had chosen to live with them in the big cabin, easily sharing it amicably between the 5 of them and sharing duties watching over the hyperactive boy. Jyrki was now living in a small goahti with Tarja and her 3-year-old girl, at the back of the sick ward row, while Tony bunked in another with Marko. Paasikoski made both a horrible and ideal person to share a kota, he snored like a beast at times and slept like the dead most of the time.

With a last tender hug, Lauri left, giving them a smile as he passed, going out to the bright morning, while Rolf was finally awake enough to start looking for his day clothes from the mess that was their shared bed. Tony was about to ask if Rolf needed help, but Timo nudged him with his elbow and distracted him enough. The older man shook his head.

A timid knock on the door had them all pausing, Timo while he was turning the box to its side, Tony while stretching and yawning and Rolf while he was putting on his shirt.

"Good morning..." they heard a familiar voice say from the door, that creaked open.

"Morning, Toivo," Rolf said with a soft smile. Toivo Viljanen was a remarkable youngster. Ever since his birth back in the Wolf Range, he had been quiet and his dark eyes seemed to see through everyone as soon as they changed from the baby blue.

As soon as Jyrki had laid eyes on the boy years ago, he had then pulled Elias and Reetta aside to tell them their son was one of the chosen, one of the future shamans. Reetta had then revealed, how she sometimes sensed odd things, a telltale sign of someone being a spirit sensitive, hence explaining why he was now a trainee.

Tony looked at the boy, who waved at them before going to sit by the fire, carefully putting another log into it and waiting for Rolf to join him. He could sense them all in the cabin. Toivo's curiosity and a touch of apprehensiveness from their presence, Rolf's drowsy spirit slowly spreading influence through the floor, much like roots of a tree, his own curiosity as well, on what Rolf was teaching the boy. Then there was Timo. He sensed sadness.

"What is it?" Tony asked quietly.

"Reetta said his name just came to her mind suddenly..."

"...yes, so?"

"-His- father's name... was Toivo... And when I first saw the kid, it was like looking in his eyes. He protected the boy. He's not him reborn, but, he seems so familiar the same time, alike in spirits..." the older man whispered back.

"What was he like?" Tony had only briefly met and felt Jani and Terhi's mother as a spirit, he didn't remember meeting Toivo like that, not that clearly.

"He was wise and steadfast, protective. Much like my father. I don't know how to explain it.  A solid presence. Like... Like the lone tree in a field. Not budging a bit in the wind."

The blond shaman pulled himself up and once his legs got used to his slight weight again, he went to sit by the fire next to Toivo, the 13-year-old starting to tell him something quietly, almost shyly. Tony watched with mild interest, how Rolf interacted with his apprentice. At times, how they were talking and laughing, one would have thought they were brothers.

“…you mean Sudenmieli? Like Tony has?” the mention of his name made Tony frown.

“Yes. I see it often. And a lot of wolves.”

“Who has it in your dreams?”

“I don’t know… Everyone’s faces are a blur… except one. She’s small and has big eyes. I also hear a lot of drums with the howling. I see people, a lot of people. In Sámi clothing.”

Tony got an eerie feeling. That was what he had seen in his dreams a lot. Wolves, one of them had Jani’s eyes, Sámi people, gathered around a bonfire The Great Meeting.

He was about to open his mouth and say that he saw an identical dream when something in the air made him freeze and straighten his back. Timo glanced at him and then at Rolf, who made a sudden, almost terrifying sound. He excused himself from Toivo’s confused presence and with his best abilities, bolted towards the door, barely getting his boots on. Tony scrambled after him and they collided with each other once again, but this time the one to tumble to the ground was the older man. He looked up to see Jyrki coming towards them, helping him up and grabbing the back of Rolf’s sweater to keep him in place.

“Jyrki-“

“Let Terhi handle this. She's got this under control.”

They were near the river, where they could see several fishermen and they all looked scared, all standing stock still and unmoving.

A crack.

Another loud crack.

“Is the ice already too thin?” Tony finally regained his ability to speak.

“Yes. The sun has thinned it too much. The river runs deep and cold, we don’t have enough resources if all of them drop in and catch colds… Terhi has the affinity with water, she can handle this,” Jyrki’s voice, as uncharacteristically young it was, held an edge, which betrayed his worry. Noora finally reached them with tiny Markus propped up against her hip.

“Oh… that’s what I felt…”

Tony squinted and managed to make out a familiar, slight figure of a woman standing at the edge of the river, hands held out. They could hear her high-pitched voice form Sámi words before she dropped to her knees and slammed her hands against the ice.

The cracks got louder and louder and they saw the ice undulating as in a shockwave would have run under the ice and bent it to its will, before it settled and Risto was beckoning all the fishermen to come back to the shore.

Upon the sight of Lauri reaching solid ground, Rolf heaved an audible sigh, earning a soothing pat on the back from Jyrki and Noora.

“…Pyry was there too… I could sense him nearly piss his pants…” Noora rasped and looked down at the two-year-old nibbling a reindeer bone. “Reindeer stew anyone? I always cook too much.”

That broke the tension a bit and Rolf left them to go and meet Lauri halfway.

“How does she do that?” Tony asked nobody in particular.  He was always baffled by the others’ abilities that seemed too remarkable, compared to his. He glanced to his left to see a wolf, a rather healthier looking than the previous generations, to bring him a dead bird. A big one. Well, that meant good food, unless Marko cooked it.

“I wouldn’t harbor any jealousy if I were you. I mean, you have those furry companions and your wind and spirit control are phenomenal…” Noora quipped as she was heading back. Tony shared a look with Jyrki, whose blue eyes just looked at him, not betraying his emotions the least bit.

“It’s not your abilities that cause you jealousy, it just reflects it from the original source.”

There. It was said out loud and Tony hung his head.

Jyrki was right. He respected the other shamans and their abilities, Jyrki and Terhi controlling water with relative ease, Rolf could never be sneaked upon and he could locate anybody walking the earth and how he understood the drum, Noora was a versatile shaman and incredibly strong-spirited. He himself hadn’t dared to meditate or contact Spirit World after his terrifying visit to the Limbo. He didn’t want to see the Spirit World devoid of spirits or the red eyes that sometimes still haunted him.

It was the anchor bond that bothered him. He was jealous of the love the others shared, but he and Timo were worlds apart. Timo preferred men while Tony himself didn’t. Why the older man had agreed, was still nagging him. Was it simply because of the situation called for it and he knew how to? Most likely that was the reason and Tony felt bad about it daily. Now that he prodded the bond, he felt Timo respond through it slightly, but it was clear he kept him at arms’ length.

“I just… I miss my wife, still. Timo and I aren’t cut out to be a couple, so…”

“I know. He won’t let go of his loved one either, I’m sure he has asked you to let him go.”

“Yes… Until someone better suited for me comes along,” he sounded bitter at that. “I know my wife wasn’t my anchor, but Outi was everything to me… We… weren’t able to have children, but… I wasn’t lonely.”

“I can use my loneliness as an asset, I trained hard to have our bond stretched as thin as possible, while still existing. Of course, I wish he was here with me, but I can live without him here as well. Shame Toivo is the only one so far of teaching age and he has taken a liking to Rolf. You could teach the next Wolf Shaman.”

“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be a Wolf Shaman.”

They stood there in silence while watching the fishermen talking with Terhi, apparently of the condition of the river ice.

“You know… I’ve seen a lot of dreams, apparently, even Toivo has seen them-“

“It will happen again. They are coming. The Sámi. All the families with shamanistic traits, anchor families, all the answers you seek are coming. You just need to wait. Let the winds run free for now. Focus on your wolves.”

To Tony, they were still Jani’s wolves. “I keep seeing wolves in my dreams.”

“They want your attention, so they reach out. Focus on them.”

“One of them has Jani’s eyes.”

This had Jyrki pausing just as he was turning away. He looked surprised even. For once in his life, the Grand Master had been caught off guard visibly.

“That… is new…”

“I was his reverse anchor before…”

“Yes. It could be due to a residue of your connection, or an omen… Gather the wolves tonight.”

With that, Jyrki left, slight limp still left in his gait from the injury sustained years ago. Tony crouched down, when the young wolf whined, still holding the riekko by the neck, waiting for him to take it.

“Thanks…” he said to the wolf and thought he saw understanding in the yellow eyes. “I’m gonna need you. All of you. Can you get them all to gather at the forest clearing later?” he felt stupid for talking to a wolf like it was a child who understood. The wolf wagged the fluffy tail and yipped, before bounding off, like an energetic puppy.

“…gosh, I miss Dana too…” Tony still mourned for his dog as well. The wind brushed his hood down and he closed his eyes, let the spirits caress his face, feeling his heart get lighter.

It always soothed him. No matter was the wind warmer than what he was used to or biting and filled with flakes of ice and snow, it was his solace.

He opened his eyes when he felt a spirit caress his face gently and he couldn’t stop the tear from escaping the corner of his eye and run down his cheek. He knew that touch. That presence. When he looked towards the small patch of woods just behind the rows of goahtis, he saw a wolf with a litter of cubs, all of them small, at least 5 of them. They were playing and tumbling around in the snow, chewing on each other’s tails and any cones they dug up. He locked gazes with the brownish grey mother wolf and took a step back. The eyes, the color was so similar to Outi’s, it was like a knife to his heart. In the last minute, before he completely crumbled, he clamped shut his spirit and hopefully prevented Timo from getting the brunt of his ripped apart heart’s ache.

“Oh gods, please, stop this… I… I can’t…”

“Tony?” It took all his willpower not to jump and shriek, he hadn’t heard or sensed Rolf and Lauri approach where he was standing.

“I… Nothing. Just… In my thoughts…” he quickly lied under their questioning gazes, looking back at the wolf, who was still looking at them, before her attention was drawn towards the north, ears perked, but posture relaxed.

Lauri seemed to buy his explanation, but Rolf saw through him, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. “Come on, Rolf, You’ve been outside like that long enough. You make a terrible flu patient, you’re a whiny cover hog in the mornings anyway, don’t wanna deal with that during the day as well…” Lauri reasoned and Tony gave them half a smile, he knew Rolf was never offended by what Lauri said. The younger shaman let the taller man escort him back, seeing him limp now and move stiffly as well. the cold affected him always the quickest.

“Yeah… Tony. I know what you saw in the wolf. I just… I just do,” he called over his shoulder.

That Tony wasn’t doubting, the blond had a knack of being at least half a step ahead of him.

Heaving a sigh, he let them go first, before falling into step with Terhi and Risto following them.

“You sensed it too?” the woman asked.

“Yeah. I didn’t know what, but… How come Jyrki didn’t take care of that?”

“I got there first, I was outside anyway and felt the first crack before I heard it. Looks like we need a bridge of sorts over that part of the river. Apparently, you got a gift once again from your wolves,”

“I still think they’re… Jani’s wolves, not mine, but… It’s hard to love them, but also quite hard to hate them when they are so… friendly. I’ve seen people be mauled to death by wolves and I’ve killed a few, so being a Wolf Shaman is odd.”

“They are a different generation, I think.”

“Yes. I think it did become his pack as soon as he arrived. He… He just could get them to do anything and they reacted to his emotions… Sorry, I shouldn’t be talking about your twin, while you didn’t even know him,” he looked down, missing the slight smile Terhi wore.

“I’d love to know more about him, but I have a feeling Timo doesn’t necessarily want to talk about him, so I just ask Lauri and Emppu.”

“It’s a painful topic for him,” he admitted, knowing the man slightly better than he did at the beginning of their anchorship.

He bid the two byes when they headed for their cottage and he was left to trudge alone to the centerfire, handing the bird to Marko, who was passing by him. Might as well get some meditating done, he needed to clear his head anyway. He took his time in arranging himself comfortably, before taking a deep breath to calm himself. Keeping his eyes closed, he listened to the wind and fire, not actually that surprised to hear the crunching of snow under boots behind him and felt someone sit nearby. Timo always showed up nearby, when he was meditating, to at least keep him some company and to show he was still there to support him though.

The wind bore whispers. What sounded like names. Voices. Voices that didn’t belong to anyone in the settlement, that much he knew. One voice stood out. It was much like Outi’s, but younger, strained, but still…

The voice was so painfully familiar.

Then, he felt himself slipping into the Spirit World for a moment, through the haze that was Limbo, before long he was once against standing in the field of grass and flowers. He breathed in the air and watched birds swoop by. Besides the natural ambiance, it was quiet. Too quiet. He looked around, except behind him, to see any spirit, but he caught none. At first.

With a swoosh, he realized he was in the middle of a forest, at a grove quite similar to one where he had seen Jani once.

Jani.

He felt a presence and kept advancing towards it, oddly silent. There was a shaman waiting for him in a small clearing, sitting on a tree trump, gazing the foliage, but it wasn’t Jani. It was Tuomas.

“Tuomas…”

“Hey, Tony. You’ve developed quite a spirit. You found back here all on your own,” the other man never once looked at him, just kept his eyes on a bird’s nest.

“Jani took me near here once.”

“I know. I can sense where he has been in the Spirit World. We restored it well.”

“But it’s empty.”

“Of course. It takes time for spirits to return. Some are hiding, some might be lost forever. I’m not alone here, but it is rather… empty, you’re correct.”

“You still aren’t making much sense…” Tony scoffed, making Tuomas let out an uncharacteristic snort.

“Sorry I never was a good teacher. I did try my best, but you can still heal and communicate with spirits.”

Tony bit back his comment, that the biggest help in understanding the spirits had been Jani.

“Is the Great Meeting really happening?”

“Yes. There will be others arriving before them, though. Some… who I didn’t think would be capable of that, but apparently, the ancient deities, whoever they are, they never show themselves to even shaman spirits, have more tricks in their sleeves than any of us could ever imagine. Trust your wolves, because your pack will be getting a lot bigger.”

Tony sat down on the leaf-covered ground, hard. Ignoring the throb, he brushed his hair out of his face, he made a mental note to cut it shorter. “I think I saw a wolf with Outi’s spirit. And I keep dreaming of wolves, one of them has Jani’s eyes. Jyrki hasn’t given me many answers though and it’s driving me up the wall.”

“Not even us older Grand Masters know everything. He is quite like me in that sense, that we silence ourselves if we don’t know what is going on. Maybe she’s watching over you, in a way, or your mind is playing tricks on you.”

The other man scoffed again. “You’re just mocking me, sometimes I just wanted to punch your lights out. Still, I do.”

“I’m not mocking, but I am aware I can be irritating. I don’t know what held back Reetta’s hand…”

“Did Jani’s father, Toivo, have something to do with Elias’ son?”

“I guess he did, sometimes, shamans choose who to watch over, after they pass away.”

“Have you?”

Tuomas was silent for a long while. “Yes…”

“Who?”

“You will see eventually. Don’t sit here too long, you are making Timo highly uncomfortable before long. Oh, there’s someone who will be your new anchor, don’t hesitate let him have his spirit free. He’s not going anywhere in a while.”

“…the woman from- “

“I know what incident you are referring to. I watch over all of you, remember?”

“…don’t get offended, but you’re a creep…” Tony muttered. He got up to leave, missing Tuomas’ mirthful smirk, feeling another pair of eyes on him. He looked up and saw a beautiful young woman stand beside a thick birch, with long dark red hair and a gentle smile.

“Tell Elias and Reetta, that I’m ever grateful. No harm will ever fall upon them, as long as my spirit still has the strength.”

As the view faded and he was back at the field, having been pushed back by the woman’s spirit, he realized it was Johanna everyone had been talking about and the talks were right, she was the purest and brightest of spirits he had ever encountered.

When he made it back, there was a large wolf waiting for him.

“Oh. I didn’t know there were wolves in the Spi- “he trailed off when he crouched to eye-level with the wolf.

The eyes. Sky blue.

“J-jani?” He carefully laid his hand upon the reddish-brown head and the wolf bumped it with a wet and cold nose. “You’re…”

Before he could get any more signals from the wolf, he felt Timo yank at their bond harshly and start pulling him back. His head jerked up and he met light blue eyes some distance away from his own.

“…it’s been over an hour; your body starts to get cold if you spend too long time there. Sorry, was forced to pull you back.”

“I didn’t know how you could do that…” Tony mumbled, tongue oddly numb and he found he was shivering from the cooling air. Sun had gone behind the clouds.

“It’s a matter of knowing your anchor bond inside out. It takes time to learn, what do you think we anchors do, while you are doing your part of the chores of the settlement? I teach the younger anchors… with what I learned from Jani’s father.”

Tony just nodded and let the older man help him up. His knees protested and he suddenly did feel his age. He looked at Timo and the faintly detectable silver strands of hair amongst the dirty blond locks he preferred to keep long. He knew he might sport few gray hairs of his own, he wasn’t that much younger than Timo after all.

“Come on, you might want to use your own legs…” Timo reminded him to keep walking, his heart condition preventing him from dragging Tony after him.

“Oh, right. Sorry. I saw Jani as a wolf in the Spirit World,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. Timo halted and Tony nearly fell from his grip.

“…what…”

“I. Shit, I wasn’t supposed to say that. He has been in my dreams. A wolf with reddish fur and same blue eyes as his.”

“Tony…” Timo sounded pained and he felt ashamed of his loose tongue.

“I… I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”  
  
**~*~**

He didn’t say another word for the rest of the evening, just took him to try to brave whatever Marko had tried to cook this time, and left without a further word.

“I blew that one…” Tony said as soon as he had eaten, with much grimacing, what Marko had done with the riekko he had tossed at him earlier? It was horrendous!

“What?”

“I mentioned to Timo I saw Jani as a wolf in the Spirit World.”

“Damn…”

“My words exactly. Wasn’t my brightest of moments. I hope the wolves I asked to gather later tonight will help me to understand what’s going on.”

“…they don’t talk, you know.”

“I know… I know…”


	2. Once in a life time love, affection

Tony hadn’t gotten any answers from the wolves, but they all seemed to like him. The younger whelps were trying to play with him, having him pull branch in a tug-of-war and the tiniest puppies climbed all over his lap, where he sat on the reindeer pelt. The mother wolf wasn’t the same, or at least her eyes were different. The alpha laid down next to him and after hesitating, he dared to pet it. He wasn’t sure had the alpha liked it, but he came out of it with all fingers still attached, so he figured he was just fine with it.

He talked this and that to the wolves, unloading his heart, knowing that they were listening, even if they didn’t understand. The way their ears turned and flicked at his tones of voice and heads were tilted.

In the end, he was starting to feel tired and was surprised to feel the furry bodies pressing closer to him, warming him. The wolves did look up at the sound of footsteps but didn’t do much else. The reason was obvious. It was Emppu, who was pulling a sled of peeled up bark from various trees and lichen from deeper parts of the forest.

The wolves knew Emppu. Jani’s original pack had always been friendly towards those they deemed part of Jani’s pack, meaning Emppu, Timo, Lauri, Matias, and Jenny… The mere thought of the last two brought his mood back down to a dark spiral and one of the puppies whined in his lap. He scratched the small head and tried to smile.

“I’m rather grateful they seem to be just fine with everybody here…”

“They consider all of you as my pack… Even though I’m not a leader here.”

“…that alpha is one of the puppies of the alpha that saved Jani’s life. He told me about it and I’d recognize that pattern he has.”

“They are surprisingly wise animals… I… I hated them for a while, well, for a valid reason, but… None of them were part of that pack… I think. They don’t spark that terror in me anymore…”

“Finns have always misunderstood these furballs. Sure, some got the taste of humans, but… we are trespassing their territory, so as much as we have a right to slay them for trespassing our boundaries, they have a right to go for our jugulars for trespassing theirs. There’s a lack of understanding, really…” Emppu, for someone who always goofed off and said the stupidest of things, he was insightful and knew a lot of things, which Tony pinned down as a side-effect of Jani’s friendship.

“How are you holding up?” Tony asked, knowing Emppu had been upset after Jenny vanished into thin air.

“Eh, coping. Been eyeing one pretty Sámi lady that lives on the other side of the settlement. We have met a couple of times at the river or picking up firewood from the shelter.”

“Many were worried about you, after… Well… Mikko’s passing was a blow to most of us from the Wolf Range and to those who cared for him…”

“…felt sorry for the guy… and… Mind if I sit down for a bit, been walking for hours?” Emppu asked and Tony just moved a young female wolf with his hands, the aforementioned beast simply rolling around. The short man sat next to him and scratched the light furred belly of the wolf.

“You mean Jenny, don’t you…”?

“Yes. Just wasn’t sure if- “

“I’m… more or less over her. Trying to get over her. She wasn’t my first, Tuuli was… She was beautiful and fun… but didn’t survive childbirth. I lost them both. Jani’s mother came to our aid too late, there was nothing to be done.”

“Mikko’s woman died almost the same way…” Tony whispered quietly. “And I know how much it hurts to lose a child… and then… your wife…”

“I was in shambles for a while, but… I know she would hate me for moping around, being all glum about it. She’d slap me for getting all… dark and depressed. Then, well, Jenny was just as upset with Jani’s death as I was. Sure, I sort of fell in love with her, she was like a rock, that an earthquake could tremble yet she’d still be solid and unbreakable.”

“Wonder did Mikko’s death finally break her…”

“I don’t think so… At least completely. Our relationship had simmered down by that time, she focused more and more on healing, which I was absolutely fine with. We needed healers. Now we are two good healers short. Not to bash you or Terhi and Risto, heck no!”

“Her determination was admirable… Did she ever say anything suspicious, before she left?”

“No. Just that she needed to learn more about healing. Anette and Tuomas taught her everything they knew, like to you as well…” Emppu fell silent after that.

They sat there in silence, the short blond rubbing his sore legs and Tony absentmindedly petting wolves.

“Last I saw her was early evening, she was packing her bag. We ate and talked and after I went to bed, I thought I heard her leave. I thought I heard her saying she’s sorry.”

Tony found that odd. When one of the Sámi looking after an injured husky had seen her, and he had been the last one, she had been heading north before the first light. There was a gap of at least few hours. Tolkki had said Jenny had stopped by to give cough ointment to his daughter Paula and stayed for about an hour to see if she was getting any better.

“Weird… It was snowing, so not many people were outside… few saw her though.”

“I know, Tolkki came to talk to me in the morning, asking where Jenny was.  That was when everyone realized that she was nowhere to be found. And the Sámi man, whose name I can’t even pronounce, came and told he had seen her heading north in the blizzard…”

By the time weather had cleared, they hadn’t been able to trace her tracks even with the help of dogs or wolves. None of them seemed willing to exceed some invisible boundary.

Tony himself had worked alongside Jenny few times and had genuinely liked the woman. She was rather unlike others she had met but did have the same air about her as Lotta. Air and poise of a woman who knows her background, her heritage and is proud of it.

“She was supposed to marry Jani, but Timo, well, they were like magnetized to each other and she didn’t have much choice but to step down. She was sore about it for a while, but as we saw, worked herself over him. At least to some extent.”

He wasn’t sure was Emppu completely over Jenny, he had been convinced the two would start a family, but that was the only thing he had been wrong about. Alright, maybe there were few more…

“How about we head back, I’m starting to get chilly and I’m sure, as warm as these wolves are, they don’t stop you from getting a bad cold. Believe me. Jani spent a lot of time with these guys and he brushed with death more times than I dare to count.”

The wolf shaman had to agree, his ass was getting numb and Timo would probably slap him for being an idiot and getting a cold. He pushed the sleepy puppies towards the adults, who simply grabbed them in their mouths and carried them towards their dens, tails swishing after them.

Their trek back was a rather stiff one until their muscles warmed up again and Tony felt relatively better. He had gotten some heavy things off his heart and Emppu seemed to be in a better mood too from opening to him.

Marko was already snoring, with an unknown woman sleeping on top of him, both naked. He considered his options for a bit and after a while thought he’d never get any sleep with Marko snoring like a grizzly, put some spare clothes to a bag and headed back out. He needed a place of his own…

The salvation came in the form of Elias, who had picked up Toivo from Rolf’s cabin. The boy was half-asleep in his arms and the bigger man partially carried his son with relative ease.

“I guess you saw Make’s company? You can bunk in our place; the spare bed is free…” The spare bed wasn’t the most comfortable of things. Years ago, Matias and Timo had managed to rebuild a bench from what had been salvaged from the ruins of the city now buried in snow and falling apart. Per Timo, he had had one as a young boy. It was a simple wooden bench with removable seating planks, to reveal a narrow and short recess with bedding. He had slept in it few times and it was just about perfect for people of his height and almost luxurious for even shorter men like Rolf and Emppu.

Glancing towards the big cooking station, where Pirre and Nitte oversaw last eaters of the night, he saw Emppu be all smiles and twinkly eyes towards an almost equally short woman with dark hair and traditional Sámi clothes and if her blush was anything to judge by, the imp was back at his old raunchy ways.

“Why not. It’s either sleeping there or trying to cram into Timo’s bed. He might be upset with me still, so… Yeah. We haven’t gotten to talk in weeks,” he was a bit embarrassed to admit that.

“You’re right. Let’s go, Toivo is getting a bit heavy…”

“Rolf’s lesson wore him out?”

“Not really, he has been practicing some wood carving with Timo alongside learning how to use rune bones. He didn’t want to take go to bed early because he was reading so he’s been rather tired today anyway. He was sleeping on Rolf’s bed when I went to pick him up since he was late."

“Are the two of you- “

“We talked, you know that. I still care for him, but… I know when to step back, what we had run its course and it’s over and done.”

Tony noticed a slight edge in his voice, so he dropped the subject real quick. “I’m sorry, didn’t meant to pry, when it’s not my business.”

Elias just smiled at him and let him go in first. The small cottage was warm and the hearth brought the children’s carvings on the walls alive. Tony had found it odd at first, that they let the kids carve simple pictures on the walls and some of the furniture, but in the end, he liked the result. Despite the furnishing was minimal, it felt like home and inviting, telling the story of their family in a way.

On one wall, higher than the children’s reach, was a charcoal drawing that Tony hadn’t seen before. After a moment of staring, he realized, he was looking at a rather accurate depiction of Wolf Range.

“Like it? That’s how I first saw Wolf Range. In a shape of a wolf’s head, when it howls. Later that day, we ran for our lives, when they started to chase us,” Reetta explained, wiping her hands on her apron.

“It’s great. I didn’t know you had artistic talent.”

“Well, Jyrki actually is really good with charcoal, so he taught me few tricks,” she laughed a bit and looked on as Elias took Toivo to bed.

“What about the carvings?” Tony asked and sat down on the bench, where he’d be sleeping later.

“Johanna’s cabin was filled with carvings, everything was carved. We both missed the atmosphere it brought, so we thought that we could try to carve here. Salla has a talent for it and Toivo apparently is taking interest as well.” Handing him a bowl of stew, she went on to get two more bowls from the small cabinet, that housed all the wooden items in the house.

“Oh… that reminded me. I did some meditating earlier and actually went to Spirit World… I met with Tuomas and talked with him a bit. He is the same as ever, but… I also met Johanna. She told me to convey you a message. She said she is grateful for your help and she will always watch over your family as a thank you.”

Reetta’s hands shook and Elias, who had just been returning from the children’s room, had frozen on the spot.

“You met her?”

“Yeah. She was… quite something.”

“We know… So she was with Tuomas?” Reetta had never been friendly to Tuomas after the revelation.

“Yeah. They were in the Spirit World together.”

“What about their daughter? Was she there?” she suddenly asked and Tony frowned.

“No… I only met the two of them…”

Rest of the evening, they avoided that topic, since it brought silence into their midst, the couple deep in their memories and Tony in complete confusion.

When Tony got ready to sleep, staring into the embers, he saw the hot air vibrate a bit and he focused on it, seeing paw prints in the snow, but nothing more.

For once, his sleep wasn’t filled with the voice that bothered him or the oh-so-familiar eyes.

 


	3. Spin me again, celebrate ends advent

Life went on for days and weeks, a bridge was built over the fishing river to protect the fishermen, Timo kept on the carving lessons, Rolf taught Toivo, Terhi and Risto were their appointed healers and had their hands full with Tony and Noora helping them out whenever they could.

Marko moved out of their shared space and moved in with the woman, Krista was her name and Tony finally had silence to fall asleep to. Emppu seemed really keen on trying to woo the Sámi woman and from the looks of things, he was succeeding. At least he thought the older couple who he saw by the fires one day, talking to Emppu were her parents.

Jyrki kept to himself, oddly close to Tarja and the toddler Lumi, but he had promised to himself to butt out of other people’s business, so he quelled his curiosity and focused on talking with the Sámi to glean what they knew of the ancient folklore and of the shamanism. And anything of his family. He knew his parents were long dead, he barely remembered them, but her grandmother had been a powerful figure, short, plump and filled with mystique and an aura of sorts so tangible he had almost tasted it.

He had just sat down with an older Sámi woman listening to her delightful insights into the inner workings of Sámi society, of their shared history and speculations, why most shamans lately had been Finns instead of Sámi, even now the shamans were from Helsinki, Tampere, and Kemi areas. He had been surprised to learn that both Risto and Terhi had Sámi blood, Risto even more so and that the Anderssen had come from Sweden’s Lapland, but she was able to confirm the clairvoyant theory Jyrki had brought up.

“Oh, the Anderssen migrated from Sweden with their porotokka generations ago. They were strong in spirit, Jenny, as steady as she was, had the only fraction of the power their family once had. Kurkela from Lumijoki spread far and wide, as did Kakko family from Keminmaa, looking for spouses far beyond their regions.

Koskinen family line never strayed too far from Kukkola or their rapids, they weren’t that keen on migrating with their reindeer, so they turned to fishing. Half of their family consisted of Sámi and the other half of Finns. The Liimatainen was much the same, Mielikki, oh bless her spirit as well, she was distant relations to the Kakko family, I am not aware how far… Sadly, it seems both family lines are dying out, Koskinen and Liimatainen, they haven’t been blessed with a child at all. I worry about them, we need more children.

The Sámi hold no ill will against you anymore. What is past is past. You have finally started to adapt to our ways, that has enabled us to survive this long. Your cities have been brought down, your modern world crumbled, you were thrust into the past, where we never left. We are here. Willing to teach. If you are finally willing to learn and I can tell, you are.”

He got the chills from her voice, for someone in her 90s, she still had power in her voice that made him feel like a scolded little boy. The Finns had long persecuted the Sámi, never giving them the recognition they deserved, but when they had fallen with every other nation, the Sámi were there, ready to help them. He knew they had helped Tuomas to the road leading for his rising to the rank of Shaman Grand Master, he knew they had given their knowledge willingly to strong-spirited Jyrki, who in turn helped when he knew he could… They owed a lot to the Sámi and he wanted to make sure they would never be overlooked again. He had noticed early on, that Tuomas and Jyrki held the Sámi in very high regard, putting their needs before many others, Noora following suit and Terhi and Risto blended in with them. He and Rolf focused on their own tasks of teaching and gathering knowledge while keeping vigil of any possible threat.

When the woman gave him a blessing, they heard loud winds start to howl and blow loose snow, small branches and cones around. The wind sounded almost like wolf howls and Tony felt the chills.

“They have come. The Spirits of the Powerful. Boy, show utmost respect, they are strong and unpredictable. They always come before The Great Meeting,” the woman warned him and held on to her red hat with both hands, the scarf around her shoulders whipped about.

The other shamans had gotten out of their respective homes and so did countless others, curiosity winning over the sense of self-preservation. The Sámi who were present began a joiku in their own language and the shamans gathered together. The darkening evening sky was lit with Northern Lights and even children stopped their scared crying or screaming, upon the sight of it.

“Jyrki? Rauna said- “

“They are coming. The Spirit World is back in its full force and it’s currently merging with ours, to allow the spirits to travel upon this earth once more. As much as it pains to say this, we all… must kneel. They can give and take a life if they will. I’ve seen disrespectful young men be struck down with illnesses…”

Toyn glanced at Timo, who caught up with them, before kneeling with the other Grand Masters and their anchors, just as the heavy wooden gates flew open like they were nothing and the wind stopped. Completely. Everyone kneeled out of respect when tendrils of lights snaked through the gates and even the great fire went out. It was silent. From the corner of his eye, he saw Noora hold Markus even closer to her, Pyry having his arms around them.

The tendrils multiplied and spiraled, filling the square with light with echoing whispers of unknown language slowly filling their ears. After the whole square was filled with the mist-like light, sneaking past the closest people, it started to gather first into spheres and then to form figures. They saw reindeer and elk with mighty antlers spreading like a crown, bears with gleaming claws and deep eyes, cranes with incredible wingspans, lynx with beautifully spotted fur, wolverines with glistening fangs and finally, the most majestic gray wolves they had ever seen, making Tony’s pack look like a litter of runts in comparison.

They had arrived.

At first, they simply stood there, staring at them, but before long, as the Sámi renewed their joiku, one by one, the animal spirits began to form human figures. Tony felt Timo’s hand grab the back of his parka and he knew what the older man had realized since it occurred to him as well. One of them, could, in theory, be Jani.

One of the younger looking wolves still hadn’t changed, but it stared past Tony the whole time, ears perked. It was him. Had to be him. The eyes were the same Tony had been haunted with for nights. It took one cautious step, leaving behind a glowing paw print, then another, focus solely on Timo the whole time.

“You have arrived, the Powerful Spirits of the North. Shamans of all ages. We, the Children of the North greet you. We thank you for blessing us with this immense honor of your appearance. We welcome the future Great Meeting to be happening here in a month’s time!” Rauna, the old Sámi lady said, her voice echoing in the settlement.

A broad-shouldered man, who had formed from the large grizzly, nodded at Rauna, his Sámi outfit looking even older than hers. Tony dared to look closely at the faces of the former shamans, minding to keep his face respectfully neutral.

One pair of eyes caught his interest first, he realized he was looking at Jani’s mother. She smiled at him and behind her, must have stood Toivo, her husband. He could hear Terhi and Risto sobbing silently, both seeing their parents once more, parents who had been violently taken from them. He saw Tuomas and Johanna, her looking more like a sculpture of light than a spirit…

Then, his blood froze to his veins. He recognized the old lady just next to Mielikki. Heljä. His grandmother. She had that same smile and same twinkling, dark eyes as he did. Of course, their colors were mere shadows of the reality, but he could still remember the exact shade of her eyes, of her hair, of her favorite clothes…

“…Grandma…” he whispered and felt Jyrki patting his shoulder.

“Told you… she was revered…”

He tore his eyes from his grandmother’s to look at the young wolf still inching closer, step by step. None of the shaman spirits tried to stop it. He knew Timo had a hard time to stay still, but the hand still holding Tony’s parka was relatively steady. Behind the young wolf, cowered a completely black one, making him finally shed tears. He recognized Mikko since he had been the anchor to Jani in the moment of death.

Mielikki kneeled to help the black wolf to transform into human form and Tony gave a sad smile to his late friend.

“We are the current Shaman Grand Masters. My name is Jyrki Linnankivi, I’m anchored to Jussi Vuori.”

“I’m Terhi Liimatainen, I’m anchored to Risto Koskinen.”

”My name’s Noora Louhimo, I’m anchored to Pyry Vikki.”

“I’m Rolf Pilve… I’m anchored to Lauri Porra…”

“My name is Tony Kakko and I’m anchored to Timo Kotipelto.”

The eldest shamans nodded and a breeze filled with scents and different feels ghosted over them. Their elements.

“We seek to broaden our base of knowledge, to pass down to future generations,” Jyrki continued.

Many seemed pleased and Tony saw Toivo smiling at his namesake, who stood in front of Elias, head held high. They were motioned to rise, which they did, though Lauri had to pull Rolf to his feet and Tony gave a helping hand to Timo.

“You ask… and you shall receive…” Johanna spoke to them all, her voice echoing from far beyond, yet clear as she had been standing before them in flesh. “The Shamans are delighted to see your powerful spirits and steely resolves. Keep the balance even, that is your mission. Pass down the knowledge you receive. Open your minds and hearts…” Johanna’s gaze seemed to sweep over all of them, a smile was directed at Elias and Reetta, but a long and sad look towards Terhi, who pressed back against Risto holding her.

“There are last goodbyes to be said and not all sadness shall pass yet… but give it time…”

Upon Johanna’s words, Tony looked at the wolf still standing just a few meters away from them. He started to feel cold. Was Jani here to get Timo?

Whispers he didn’t quite understand the meaning for seemingly urged the wolf to come closer and the closer it got, the more color bled into the fur. It was truly redder than any wolf’s he had ever seen and the eyes were familiar sky blue.

“…Jani…” he heard Timo whisper brokenly. The wolf suddenly burst into specks of light, that started to swirl and rearrange into Jani’s likeness, more solid than the other spirits, yet still transparent. He hadn’t aged a day since his death, he stood straight and didn’t favor his healthy leg. He was a spirit otherwise whole, except the love of his life, who was beyond his reach. Tony’s heart broke at the tears slowly making their way down Jani’s cheeks. It truly was time to let Timo go.

“…Timo… I promised I’d always wait for you…”

“…you came back…”

“Yes… you still had me in your heart…” He spread his arms and Timo stepped into the hug, trying his darnest not to cry. Jani held him, looking at Tony with a grateful gleam in his eyes, before offering him a small smile, as well as to Rolf, who smiled back, and to his twin. Seeing them so close to each other made it painfully obvious, that once you had seen one of them, your automatically recognize the other. Closing his eyes for a moment, he held on to Timo, before pulling back and holding his face in his hands, wiping away his tears.

“I’ll be waiting…”

At Jani’s words, Tony felt a tug on the bond between him and Timo, knowing things were serious now. He didn’t know where to find the Seita, so he looked at Rolf, who nodded his consent, the younger shaman would look for it.

“Be blessed…” Johanna’s parting words rang in the clearing and the winds picked up again, the spirits dissolving into specks of light again, Jani being the last one to do so.

Tony caught Timo, who collapsed to the ground, feeling his own chest constrict painfully.

“He’s not gone forever, he’ll wait for you…” he murmured at the older man, holding him tightly as he sobbed and struggled for breath. Many looked surprised towards what was going on, including several former Strato and Altaria members. Timo had hidden his heart condition well.

Too well maybe. This seemed worse than he initially thought.

 


	4. The hand of time, it seems to accelerate

Tony sat at Timo’s bedside, feeling a little weak, despite them both keeping their ends of the bond closed off. The older man was holding on like he promised, but judging from the strained look on his face, the pain wasn’t receding. He glanced at Rolf, who sat on the floor with his witch drum, the rune bones simply set on specific marks on it and his body swaying, the long blond hair hiding his face. He had been deep in search through Limbo for over an hour now, searching as fast as he could, the other three shamans doing what they could meanwhile to help. Tony knew if he went to Limbo himself now for any longer period of time than it took to find the Seita, Timo’s heart would give out and he’d be trapped in Limbo forever.

He could sense subtle waves of frustration from Rolf’s direction, as he searched, coaxed the Seita into his line of vision. He could hear Rolf sniffle and saw his hands balling into fists, making the ground beneath the cabin move minutely.

“…come on… it can’t be this hard…” he heard the younger shaman mutter and then his concentration broke when one of his coughing fits disrupted it. “…damn, not now…”

Tony had been initially really surprised, that Rolf had found out he didn’t need to move in Limbo like he had been had to do. Jyrki then had theorized it into Rolf’s spirit being able to burrow down and feel the ground like tree roots.

He looked at the jerky movements, in which he wiped his escaped tears and felt sorry for him. Timo had become a surrogate father to him, both benefiting from the relationship, the older man having someone to care for and Rolf someone to seek support from.

“…Tony… I think I found it…” Rolf ground out breathlessly after a long silence.

“Are you sure? I don’t think we can have a second go…”

“Yeah… It’s… it’s yours…”

Tony squeezed Timo’s clammy hand briefly, before letting himself slip into the Limbo, the reddish hue oddly muted. He saw Rolf sitting on the ground, that looked like widespread tree roots had been torn up. The earth shaman really had gone to lengths to find it. Rolf pointed to his left, where Tony spotted a small item sticking from the roughened ground. He approached it and held it, taken aback by the onslaught of memories from Timo’s side.

He shed tears upon seeing Timo’s family through his eyes, the little brothers, the bridge, the loneliness… All the flashes of the older man’s life made his own heartache and with an apology tumbling from his lips, he smashed the wide, disc-like object onto a rock Rolf had uncovered and his vision went white from pain.

Gasping, he found himself in the regular world, head throbbing, but his chest feeling freer than it had. He had barely comprehended anything enough to get out of the Limbo and now he was kneeling on the floor next to the bed.

“Oh god you were right that is agony…” he said in one breath and rolled onto his back. He forced himself to sit and was rather relieved to see Timo still alive, clutching his chest and head, trembling and gasping for air.

“Timo… thank you… for being my anchor. And I’m also sorry… for causing you unnecessary pain…”

The grip on his shoulder that he got was surprisingly tight. “…thank you…”

“Don’t you dare die on us just yet though. I think your foster son would be very upset if you go without saying goodbye to him.”

Timo actually found enough breath in him to force out a laugh. “I… think… I’ll be… fine for… a bit…” he let Tony turn him to his side, brush the sweaty hair from his face. The wolf shaman moved aside, when Rolf scrambled to the bedside, almost diving into Timo’s embrace, all the dignity and acting his age forgotten. “Don’t cry…”

“…don’t go yet… please… I don’t want to lose you too…” Rolf sobbed against his shoulder. Timo held him as tightly as he could.

“I have to, sooner or later… I feel it might be rather soon… I’m sorry… You’re a… grown-ass man, you can handle this.”

“…did Jani say that?”

“He might have used those words in the past, yes…”

Rolf choked out a laugh and detached himself from Timo, wiping his face with his sleeve. Tony had to smile a bit, Tuomas’ decision to have Timo act as Rolf’s “father” was a good one. They looked like real dutiful son and father on his deathbed.

That word made his head throb harder. Upon a knock on the door, Tony looked up, to see Risto standing there with his healer apprentice, Ari.

“How are things here?” Risto asked and came to kneel by Timo’s bed.

“…the pain is receding… for now… but it’s still there…” he had replied, while Rolf had crawled out of Risto’s way, to be helped to his feet by Tony. The healer continued to ask different questions from Timo, while Tony’s attention was suddenly drawn to Rolf, whose spirit spiraled to wrap around himself all of a sudden.

Helping the younger shaman to his own bed, he looked on, as he started coughing again. This wasn’t the first time the Earth Shaman had gotten a short coughing fit and they had been far and few apart, yet this was the second time tonight. It was long into the night and he could see even in the dim lantern and firelight that he was exhausted. The light made Rolf look older, closer to his actual age and Tony suddenly got to worry, was his eagerness to train Toivo having something to do with the coughing fits he seemed very keen on suppressing and hiding. He gave Rolf some water after he finally stopped coughing and stepped back to give him space to remove his thicker clothing.

Rolf moved so much better now, but whenever he had been staying still longer periods of time, he could barely move and his movements made him look so much older. He took the cup back and set it aside, then noticing a dark stain at the corner of Rolf’s mouth after one more cough. He pointed it out subtly, to which the blond responded by quickly wiping it off to his sleeve.

“…is something wrong?” he lowered his voice.

“…nothing… can you… can you let me rest? I’m really tired…” Rolf didn’t look him in the eyes. He was lying.

“…send Lauri to get me if Timo goes worse. I think I owe him the company…”

“…sure…”

He found he could barely sleep a wink that night, until simply falling asleep from sheer exhaustion.  


**~**~*~*~**~**

The next days were spent in preparation for the Great Meeting, arranging space for the Sámi to pitch their goahtis to and have their porotokka to stay. Tony could rest easier, when he saw Rolf calm as ever, meaning Timo was still clinging on and rather well. His wolves were looking often towards the north, so they were close.

He found himself in the company of Lauri one afternoon when he had been out to get some fresh air from writing down notes.

“Say, Lauri?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think Rolf’s cough has gotten worse over the weeks?”

“Only if he has worked harder than usual. Something chronic, but it doesn’t bother him,” Lauri said and shrugged.

“You’re lying. There’s something wrong with him. I saw something dark on the corner of his mouth after he had coughed.”

The tall man heaved a sigh. “He said it might be remains of the soot in his lungs from when his home collapsed on him. He has medication for it, Tuomas taught Anette how to make it and she keeps bringing it to him. Don’t worry about him. He is just fine.”

“…it’s just… Timo is weakening and we can’t afford to lose Rolf- “

“Tony, he is alright. He is not dead quite yet. Sure, he is 35-ish and his body has gone through a lot, probs took about a decade off of him, but he’s not gonna give up. You know him by now.”

Lauri’s tone was getting a little irritated and Tony realized he had stepped over the line. “I’m sorry…”

“You should be. …Tony. It’s time…”

“What?”

“Timo’s been weak today, so Rolf stayed with him along with Risto. I can feel his dread…”

It took all his willpower not to run into the cabin, but he did notice Lauri taking a little longer strides. When they made it to the cabin and their eyes adjusted to the lack of light, they saw Rolf sitting on the edge of the bed, holding Timo’s hand and talking to him quietly. Timo was pale and his breath was labored. Tony looked at Risto, who simply sat in the seat he had often taken to Timo’s bedside, doing nothing. The healer got up and approached them, talking in a hushed tone.

“There’s nothing I can do anymore. He had a stroke some time ago, I think he’s holding out of sheer stubbornness…”

“Or for Rolf’s sake…”

“That’s what I think. He won’t last much longer; his heartbeat is erratic and slowing down. He can still sense people around him, so make use of it. Some of his friends already came to say their goodbyes to him…”

Tony patted Risto’s shoulder gently, he knew the healer felt powerless, but this was something none of them had a power over. Death.

He kneeled by the head of the bed, rubbing the older man’s shoulder gently. “Hey, Timo, it’s me… Tony… I hope Jani will take good care of you… Rolf is a big boy and can handle himself… Besides, he has Lauri… I want to thank you again… for your friendship and support. Say hi to all that we both knew up there. I’ll come visit you once I have time… with your son here…” he glanced briefly at Rolf, whose face was wet from tears.

Light blue eyes opened once more, the past days’ dullness gone and they were bright once more. Tony took his other hand and held it firmly. Until he felt a breeze and a wave of warmth.

The tired and tortured heart finally found rest.

Tony didn’t let go, just held, until he felt the presence vanish and Rolf’s composure shattered and he was a sobbing mess against Lauri’s shoulder. He understood how Rolf felt. It must feel like he was losing his father all over again. He gently covered the empty blue eyes and arranged him better on the bed, before offering a small prayer he remembered his grandmother use.

There would be a funeral tonight and nobody looked forward to those. He looked up at Risto and Ari, who had just arrived with Terhi.

“We will look after him from here on… You two support Rolf, he needs some time to settle…”

He knew he wouldn’t be able to prepare a body of a person he once knew, he knew how to prepare them for the pyre, but he couldn’t find the strength to do it this time. He looked at Tolkki and Marco, who had come to take Timo away, both of them looking at the wreck of a shaman held tightly in Lauri’s arms with sympathy.

 **~**

Tony stayed with Rolf and Lauri for some hours, shedding some tears as well, but in his mind, he could see Timo’s wide smile when Jani was there waiting for him and to hold him. that thought comforted him. He also knew of Timo’s previous relationships, the two of them often just sitting the night and talking about pasts. He looked at Lauri, who was wiping his face with a linen towel, while Rolf had literally cried himself to sleep.

“…he sometimes seems so much younger than he is.”

“He had to grow up so fast… What he told me of his childhood, what little he remembers and what Reetta told me, he had a good childhood, just had to grow up fast and try to adjust to things. He is entitled to have child-like days, I’m more than fine with it. I sometimes look at him and just have to slap myself that yes, he is over 30 and everything…”

“And here we are, going slowly grey…”

“Does it show?” Lauri asked and brushed back his hair.

“Not much. Sometimes, you wish time wouldn’t change things. Wouldn’t change the faces, or fade the brightest of colors… When you see the changes… it scares me sometimes, you know? You just wake up and realize that crap, you are old…”

“I know. My first wake-up call was finding the first grey hair… Why are we even- “

“I’m sure Timo wouldn’t want us to mourn him forever…”

Lauri was quiet for a long while, just gently caressing Rolf’s head pressed against his chest. “You know, you are right. I’ve known him well… And he would just… shake his head and tell us to get a move on.” He managed a smile, then tried to shift, but Rolf was a completely dead weight on him. “Well… Just wake me up too when it’s time. I know he won’t wake up in hours…”

Tony agreed to it and went to see how the pyre was managed. They still couldn’t bury their dead in any other way, but burning, which took precious firewood, but they couldn’t get deep enough through the permafrost to bury them in the ground and water supplies were important.

He understood why Altaria people were buried in the pond. The location had been revealed and the stigma for the place would stay. He had felt the chills when they had gone there again to use it to find Juha. There was just no way anyone would want to live there again, so it was not just a memorial. Memorial for Grand Masters. Tuomas had been burned just inside the Seita ring, along with Juha and his anchor.

The former Strato all stood aside, many of them seeking support from each other when one significant and a well-liked member had passed. Jens looked up at the sky and just stood there, he had lost two close friends, both younger than him.

 *~*~~*~*

 

The pyre had burned hot and bright into the early hours in the morning, friends holding vigil as long as they could before one by one, going to sleep. in the end, there were only the shamans left, along with few assorted friends. It was hard to say was Rolf even awake, leaning against Lauri, who was lost deep in his thoughts, Emppu was dozing off, Tolkki and Jens taking turns making sure the short man didn’t fall over from his seat. Tony looked at Terhi and Risto, leaning against each other and sleeping, Noora was softly snoring next to Jyrki.

He felt empty and sort of detached, now that he was still out of an anchor. He hadn’t known what the feeling would be like until he had to experience it himself and he knew now why Rolf had been really off his game since breaking the bond with Elias.

With the collapse of the last structure in the fire, he closed his eyes and said the prayer again. He felt a ghost of touch on his face, knowing it was Timo’s spirit, giving him one last goodbye, before heading to Spirit World.

They left the ashes to cool and woke up those sleeping, their vigil was over.

“I’ll deal with the ashes… if you will…” Tolkki offered, getting a weak nod from Rolf and a shrug from Lauri. Tony knew he didn’t have a say in this, but he was glad someone stepped up to it. The grave marker would be carved later.


	5. Please say you can heal me

Two days later, Tony woke up to wolves howling in the distance and one scratching and whining at his doorway, that told him that the Sámi had arrived.

“Yeah yeah, don’t come through the door… I kinda need it…” he called back out to the wolf, who thankfully stopped scratching. He stretched and got into his clothes, nearly tripping over the young whelp at his door, when he was heading behind his kota. When he got back, he saw the gates open again.

“Jyrki!” he called out when he felt the presence emerge from the lodgings behind him.

“I know. Everything is ready…”

Tony tried not to hold his breath. He heard voices, adults and children alike, countless footsteps and telltale clicks of reindeer ankles.

The long procession of people was colorful. Sámi in blacks, blues, and reds, more or less decorated, some people wearing similar clothes to Rovaniemi settlers themselves and what was most important of all, they had children with them. Over a dozen children and youngsters. The Rovaniemi inhabitants started to trickle into the clearing or to places where they could see the newcomers.

They all stood there in awe, until a loud voice startled Tony and judging from gasps here and there, many others.

“ZACHARY!”

He saw Marco separating from the crowd and make his way towards a large man with equally long and unkempt hair. They met halfway with a long and almost tearful hug. Tony was confused until Rolf got to the front row with Lauri.

“He’s still alive?” the earth shaman gaped at the sight.

“Who is he?” Tony asked, confused.

“He’s Marco’s brother, he took the Nightwish settlement children away with the Sámi… I thought he had died, I heard them shooting at the escapees…”

“Zach is here?” Anette’s surprised voice had them both turned around and make way for the petite woman.

“Yeah…”

She was already tearing up, calling out for Nitte as well. “It’s Zach!”

“WHAT?!”

Nitte, a just as tiny woman as Anette or Noora, parted the crowd with her voice alone like a flamethrower to snow, practically ran to Anette and burst into tears. Amongst the crowd, a group of young adults separated. There were looks of recognition from the small group and the two women cried out loud. Of course, a mother would recognize her children, even after all these years. They had grown a lot, but judging how they were staring and starting to tear up, told that they remembered their mothers as well.

“They’re not here… Our husbands aren't here...” Nitte said suddenly, making Zachary pull back from the hug with his brother.

“I’m sorry… the hail of bullets got many of us… We did what we could to shield them…”

Tony felt sorry that their husbands were dead. He found it odd, that the men had secured the children and left the women to be imprisoned. He frowned while watching the two women rush to hug and kiss their children, eldest of them crying openly, while the youngest shied away until prompted by the elder siblings.

“Rolf? Why Nitte, Anette, and Tarja were imprisoned and hadn’t fled with the children?” he asked quietly, not able to hold back his curiosity any longer.

“Nitte wouldn’t have gotten far that fast, her youngest was a toddler, as Anette’s… Neither of them has the strongest survival skills either and Tarja… Well, she had promised to stay… That’s what I know. Most women were Sámi and they all left, the soldiers killed… two or three, before their leader, stopped them. Then, by Tuomas’ mistake, they singled out me as the weakest link. The leader didn’t want to harm women, said something about never knowing who they are…”

Rolf’s words brought a wave of chills down his spine. Two of the Grand Masters had been women and they had been murdered, either by killing them or their anchors first and Tähti had been first to die, according to what they had gathered.

Looking at the group of Finns and Sámi alike, he saw them in a different light. Of course, the men could protect them better. Women were far from weak, he knew that first hand, but when it came to physical strength, it was men who were tasked with protecting. Zachary looked big enough to carry off several children with relative ease.

Lauri suddenly shook Tony’s shoulder, snapping him out of his musings and he tore the glazed over gaze from the overjoyed mothers.

“Look…” Lauri turned Tony slightly to the right, where a woman was approaching them with a teen girl holding onto her arm, shuffling along and a young boy clutching her gloved hand. The clothes were modified from the Sámi clothing and she bore the mark of a healer. Her right cheek was scarred and disfigured and once he let his eyes travel up towards the eyes, she ran her hand across his line of vision and pushed down the fur-lined hood, letting bright blonde hair fall to frame the scarred face.

He knew those eyes.

“…Jenny?”

His mumbled words drew the attention of several people around him.

“I see even less familiar faces when I left…”

That voice. He had heard it before. In his dreams and… in the dark of the night.

“…Matias died few years after you… left, in an accident… Tuomas died soon after... Timo died two days ago…” Lauri managed to find his voice, but he was stuttering from sheer amazement.

It really was Jenny. She was scarred but her blue eyes… They were in a way, different from what they were. They were of a woman who knew where she belonged, who she was and wasn’t afraid to show it. Much like the life-hardened women around the settlement, Terhi, Noora, Tarja, Rauna…

“I’m sad to hear that. I’m surprised Timo held out as long as he did… and I’m sorry for your loss… I know how much Matias meant to you…” she bowed her head briefly, but smiled at how Lauri just pulled Rolf closer to him.

“You’ve changed…”

The comment from Tony, who was mentally slapping himself for just blurting it out, made Jenny chuckle, the sound just as cold as the permafrost, but it still held genuine mirth.

“A starved wolverine rarely attacks anything bigger than a reindeer. The one who attacked me was beyond desperate. One of Jani’s wolves chased it off and the howls alerted the Sámi nomads passing by. They made a detour, having heard me and took me with them. I was planning to go and find the Sámi heartlands, to learn more about healing. I had to be healed first to be able to learn.”

“That’s why you left?” Rolf asked quietly.

“Yes. I felt that… I didn’t know enough. That what Tuomas had taught me wasn’t enough. And it wasn’t.”

“Jani’s sister and her husband are now our official healers, with their apprentice, I’m sure they’d love to learn if you have anything new.”

Jenny’s head snapped up at the sound of an unfamiliar voice and trickle of a powerful spirit.

“Jenny Anderssen, I presume?” Jyrki asked, towering over the slightly built woman, making two children accompanying her shuffle closer.

“Yes. I assume you are one of the Grand Masters who survived the massive destruction.”

“Jyrki Linnankivi, indeed. Tuomas and I survived, but sadly, a twisted shaman-anchor pair ended his life.”

“Ah… sad to hear that…”

“And are these two children yours?” Jyrki was the first one to ask. Jenny looked at her, where the children stood.

“Only one of them. The Sámi couple who raised her died of old age, so I’ve been looking after her. The boy is mine.”

Tony felt his heart skipping several beats and looked at them more closely. The teenaged girl had traditional Sámi clothing on and her greenish-blue eyes were wide open, making her look frightened, which she probably was. A second look revealed, that her eyes never moved, but never focused either and the boy next to her kept a firm hold of her. Turning his attention to the said boy, he found himself staring into eyes as brown as his, framed with dark curls.

Oh.

“His name is Kristian…”

Tony raised his eyes back to Jenny, who was looking at him straight in the eye.

“It was you…”

“Yes… I’m sorry, but… I felt that it needed to be done. And yes… he is yours…”

“Oh…” he finally vocalized his most pressing thought.

“…say what?” not even Emppu’s almost shrieked exclamation could break the stare neither of them refused to sever.

“…we drifted apart and you knew it… Besides, looks like you found new love…” Jenny finally turned her attention to Emppu and the Sámi woman, Áirá.

“Yeah… Though I’m happy to see you alive, I’ve lost too many friends as it is.” If there was jealousy, it was hidden deeper than the Finnish granite. “So… that’s… Tony’s son?”

“Yes.”

Tony was still reeling from the revelation and Lauri patted his shoulder, trying to bring him to planet earth.

“And the girl?”

“She’s Aada,”

“Tuomas and Johanna’s child… I thought she died with her?” Tony said slowly, watching the girl turn slightly to his direction, not letting go of Jenny. Suddenly, her eyes did focus on him and he shuddered.

“She was very weak, but still clinging to life, when Magga went to her cabin. Johanna’s spirit held her alive long enough for him to get her. Because of it, she is blind to the World of the Living… but not to the Spirit World.”

Tony wasn’t doubting her words, she was looking right through him and to his spirit, pinning him to his tracks with her curiosity.

“Aada, I will take you to meet the nice couple who helped you to this world, alright?”

“A-alright,” the girl stuttered.

“They are the next Shaman Grand Masters…” Jyrki said suddenly and Jenny nodded.

“Yes. Two out of five…”

“We have three children here who have the possibility. Toivo, Elias’ son has been trained by Rolf for some years now, Noora’s son is too young, but could possibly be next shaman.”

“That’s only four…” Jenny frowned, as did the three shamans present. That was true. Without Terhi and Risto having a child, they were one short. “Unless there’s another out of the norm…”

“Tarja's daughter Lumi. We have time. Looks like your group is settling in well, you may stay where you wish…” Jyrki extended the welcome.

“Thank you. I’m sure they are hungry, I want to get off my feet… Glad to see you doing well,” she hugged Emppu briefly, then Lauri and Rolf, before taking her hold of the blind teen and the young boy.

Jyrki raised a brow at Tony, who took the hint after a brief stare down. “You can stay in my kota, Make moved out so there’s a spare bed. And silence.”

Jenny smiled at him and nodded, then turning her attention to Aada, who was straining to look behind them. Tony moved to see what she was looking and wasn’t actually that surprised. Toivo was coming to them with his sister and parents.

“Well, here’s your chance…” he said and stepped back to let Jenny introduce Aada to Elias and Reetta.

Elias looked up, when he heard footsteps, narrowing his eyes slightly, at the woman with children, Reetta turning her attention to them as well, once Toivo pointed them out to her.

"You don't remember me, do you?" she asked. Elias shook his head, unsure. the unscarred half of her face did bring back memories of someone, but he couldn't pinpoint the name and face.

"It's me, Jenny... I was attacked by a wolverine, in case you are wondering... This is Aada, you’ve met her once before actually."

"We have?"

"Yes. She's... She's Johanna's daughter. She survived, but not without problems. She is blind to the World of the Living, but sees the Spirit World..."

"We left... We thought..." Reetta had to grab a hold of Elias' arm, making Salla and Toivo look at her in confusion. "Oh my..."

"It's fine. Johanna's spirit looked after her as long as she could. A Sámi family who knew her took the baby and treated her to full health. They died some time ago and now I'm in charge of her..."

Elias shook his head to clear it and rubbed his eyes. "This feels so unreal."

"I'm sure it does and I'm sorry for confusing you."

"And who's he?" Reetta glanced down at the boy clinging to her leg.

"He's Kristian, my son..."

"Oh, You had him after you left?"

"Yeah... I thought he needs to see his father and he deserves to get to know of his son. They both will be shamans in the next generation, so they are really special... Hey, Toivo, I see you have the shaman trainee markings," she paid attention to the boy looking at them intently.

"I've seen her before. In my dreams. She can't see?"

"No, she can't, except spirits. I'm sure she can see your spirit. You're really bright even to my eyes."

"Are you gonna be an anchor to someone?"

Jenny was taken aback by his words and raised her brows, looking at the boy barely in his teens with tight scrutiny.

"Well, aren't you really perceptive, just like Rolf. I heard he's your teacher. I'm impressed. Maybe, if he'll have me... You, however, have your time to find an anchor long ahead of you."

"I think I've found mine already..." Toivo simply replied.

"Oh, really?" Jenny looked at his parents in surprise, they were just as stunned as she was and in the end, shrugged. This whole time, the two children she had said nothing, just were there, quietly observing and taking the sights in, well, maybe in Kristian's case, Aada simply held on and turned her head towards different sounds and scents, quiet and curious.

"She's calm..." Reetta said and reached out to touch the girl, but hesitated. The girl suddenly turned her head, eyes wide and reached out towards her, managing to grasp her hand in one try.

"She can see you are spirit sensitive and can detect your spirit. I don't understand how she does it, but..." Jenny explained and moved a tad closer. "She also doesn't talk much."

 

Toivo looked at the slightly older girl intently still, when she let go of his mother. She was shorter than him, despite being at least three years older. The unseeing eyes turned towards the boy and the youngsters stared at each other for a long while, or so it seemed. Toivo waved and she copied his gesture, indicating she did sort of see him.

"Aada? How do you see him? Do you want to tell me?"

"A halo. He has a halo around him."

The adults shared a look and Salla was starting to move nervously. She had always been curious about her brother's talents, but not jealous, Elias had long suspected the girl was spirit sensitive like her mother. He was rather glad they took after her more in that sense, even he figured spirit sensitive people were getting far and few.

"Aada, I just introduced you to the people who knew your mother and father."

"I saw her. She shimmers. I didn't see him though," the girl said simply.

"Elias isn't spirit sensitive, no wonder. It's alright. Can you let them hug you?"

"Alright."

The girl broke away from the staring contest she had with Toivo and turned towards Reetta again, looking up. Her eyes didn't quite reach hers, but she raised her arms and Reetta wrapped her in a hug.

"I'm sorry... We couldn't save her. She was such a pure soul and a lovely woman. We thought you were dead, we are so sorry," she sobbed and caressed the curls spilling from her hood.

"It was meant to be."

Elias looked at Jenny, who gave a just as grim look back. Someone as young as she shouldn't be like this.

"I heard your mother and father are together again in the Spirit World... They'd love you so much, you are such a pretty young girl."

Kristian seemed interested in talking with Salla and Toivo but hung back, sharing curious glances with the two Viljanen teens.

"Do you have a place to stay?" Elias asked, out of any ideas what to talk about.

"We are staying with Tony," Jenny said in a tone that left them unable to argue. "Come on, I want to sit down..." The woman was looking exhausted and her legs must have been burning.

Reetta let go of the teen who grabbed Jenny's hand again. "You can talk and such later, alright? We need to rest."

"We can come later, right?" Salla asked curious to chat with the new girl.

"Of course, now, if you'll excuse me..."

The couple nodded, dazed. Jenny started leading the children back towards Tony, who had been waiting for them, talking with the Sámi elders.

"Ah, there she is, our star apprentice, well, a fully-fledged healer," the man in the high rimmed blue hat said, but Jenny didn't hear him, she was staring Terhi. Tony looked at the two women and decided not to say anything. There was a flash of recognition, followed by a hint of past heartache in the icy blues before the neutral mask fell on once again.

"We could use more healers, Risto and I are almost swamped, despite Ari, Noora and Tony helping out," Terhi said with a slightly uncomfortable smile. She knew who this woman was.

"Sure. I'll be glad to help and share my knowledge... Tony, I really can't stay on my feet much longer, could we go and take a rest?" She turned her attention to the Wind Shaman next to him.

"Of course. I'll take you there. You didn't have anything else with you?" He indicated the backpack and children.

"No, I can still carry these, but I want to lie down now..."

Tony excused them from the crowd and taking Aada's other hand when she offered it, led them to his small kota.

"This place isn't quite equipped to house children for obvious reasons, but it's the safest place here. The wolves are nice, just... don't surprise them, I'll see if I have some stew by the hearth left. I'm glad Marko moved out, he is a terrible cook..."

Jenny laughed at this and helped Aada over the threshold with Kristian.

"I hope you two fit into the bed he left... We need to see if we can get you better beds later... I wasn't expecting this...."

"Spirits gave you heads up, didn't they?" Jenny countered.

"Well, yes, but... I wasn't expecting you, or Tuomas' daughter... or my... son..."

"At least you can tell he's yours..." Jenny stated the obvious while taking off the outer clothes, the kota was still rather warm.

"Well, yeah..." He had to admit, the boy did resemble him quite a deal. Same eyes and once the hat came off, dark curls just like his. The two children could have passed as siblings, but Aada's face was completely different and her hair a different shade. Even the curls had differences.

Jenny beelined for Tony's bed and sank into it with a long groan.

"Oh thank heavens... my legs and back are on fire..." The children followed her and Tony had to smile, how Kristian helped Aada into Marko's old bed.

"Want to eat now or..."

"How about... we sleep a bit first. I'm starting to feel tired now that I'm lying down."

"Of course. I'll get you blankets..." Tony went to rummage through the chest he had and pulled out two of the blankets he had taken along from Wolf Range.

"Here..."

"Thank you..." Jenny smiled, as Tony tucked them all in. "...I didn't think it could hurt that much..."

"What? Oh, you mean seeing Terhi? Jani's twin."

"Yeah. At first, it was just like looking at him, but the eyes didn't hold any recognition, so it dawned on me I'm staring a whole another person... I still see dreams about him, but... they are more like..."

"Epiphanies?"

"Exactly. They are not always so welcome..."

"No..." Tony agreed on that, lighting up the fire that had gone out. "It was hard at first to me too, but I got to know her while working and she is a shaman of her own class... She started at birth, while I started when I was... closer to 40 I guess... And that's... quite many years ago."

"I bet it was hard on Timo... First to lose Jani, then apparently lose Matias as well and then... see Jani's twin show up... Did his heart finally give out?"

Tony was startled. "You knew of his heart condition?"

"Yeah, figured it out. At first, I put it to his age, but then, I heard from the Sámi about how infections spread and the signs were always there. Why Jani, Lauri, and Matias always hung close, how he was rarely left alone to work... How he sometimes just... would stop, drop everything and walk off..."

"He thought he hid it well, but even Rolf picked up on it really soon."

"He looks to be doing well..." Jenny lowered her voice when Aada twitched. Both had fallen asleep as soon as they closed their eyes. It was still early after all.

"Yes. Lauri seems to be the perfect anchor, he can focus on him alone."

"Elias had a family, of course, Rolf would step back and in a way, suffer from the imbalance in the bond. How was the bond between you and Timo then?"

Tony looked up and nearly dropped a log.

"He... He was a steady presence, but he kept his side of the bond under wraps so well, I didn't even know when he was having a worse day with his heart and when not. I... I do feel guilty about it. I drew so much of his energy that he never fully recovered from my first visit to Limbo... When I battled against Juha Kylmänen..."

"I've heard of him, glad to know he's dead. He kept even the Sámi on their toes. Timo never seemed to recover from the loss of Jani either. I'm happy to know they are together again..."

"Yes. The Spirit World... it was emptied and nearly destroyed by Juha and his anchor, but we restored it and apparently, Tuomas and Johanna have been summoning spirits back or something, I don't know. I actually didn't ask them straight on."

"I know about the Spirits that visited. I saw his wolf form in dreams often and then at dawn yesterday. He left us a track to follow."

"Timo went worse after seeing him, Rolf worked so hard to get our Seita to us and for me to break it..."

"Why?"

"He's the best at finding them... they are small objects lying around in the Limbo and he is the only one who can look for them in there without physically moving. I don't know where he found it, but he dragged it close enough for me to shatter it... He is still rather upset about Timo's passing. He did look up to him like a second father..."

"I remember. I'm guessing it brought him some comfort when Elias wasn't there and Timo, bless his soul, loved children, despite his decision never to have them."

"I saw... when I broke the Seita, some of his memories and... I saw how his family died..."

"They drowned, that's as much as I know..."

"The bridge broke... "

Jenny looked sad at the moment and said a little prayer for their memory. "He's not alone anymore. Not to mean he was alone here, but you know what I mean."

"I do. I'll let you rest, alright? I have some notes to go through. Been studying from the Sámi as well."

"They are far wiser nation than the Finns ever could be... but we can strive towards being better people and unite us fully."

"I know... Anyway, sleep well."

"Thank you..." Jenny smiled at him, wiggled into a better position and closed her eyes, leaving Tony to his own thoughts.

He looked at the children and felt... confused, but also... oddly warm. He had a son. He really had a son. He couldn't help himself, having been rather overwhelmed lately in the first place, he cried. He wanted to talk with Outi, it was all he wanted, to see her once again, to hear her speak... to ask her what to do. He knew he didn't have the heart to throw them out, he had longed to have a child, and now he had. It just wasn't Outi. It was Jenny.

He turned away and stared at the fire, back facing them, trying to suppress his sobs. He didn't see Jenny opening her eyes, looking at him with sympathetic eyes. Naturally, she had wished the child had been Jani's, or even Emppu's, but it was meant to be like this, the spirits told her so and she complied.

It had been a woman's spirit she hadn't known, but she had insisted. Maybe... just maybe... it was Tony's late wife... She'd have to ask from another shaman, she didn't dare to have Tony do the contacting.

Aada turned towards Tony's bed in her sleep, sensing his distress, but remained fast asleep.

 

_***_

_Tony woke up with a start when someone climbed into his bed and pressed a hand to his mouth to keep him from making loud sounds._

_"Shh... don't say anything... please... pretend I'm your wife... I know you need this... I'm here for you..." She whispered in his ear, barely audible and so hushed he couldn't recognize her by the voice. He nodded and the hand was taken away, replaced by lips still cold from the outside, a rather unfamiliar scent wafting around them. He was confused, frowning, but in the dark, he couldn't make out much, only that the woman had her in a ponytail and that she was of slight build, as most women around there._

_She easily pinned him on his back and swung a leg over his hips, settling on top of him, her rapid heartbeat almost audible in the relative silence. It was rather silent until Marko started his trademark snore and she snorted and grinned against his lips._

_The hands combing his hair during the lip-lock were gentle and she wriggled a bit to get him out of the daze. After a moment, he brought his hands to her shoulders and intending to inch them up to cup her face, but she was apparently having none of that, shrugging them off her shoulders. He was disoriented enough, but feeling the face would have provided him with enough of recognition._

_"...don't... just... do what you'd do with her... please..."_

_Tony closed his eyes for a bit, took a deep breath and opened them again. He let the woman sit up and ran his hands up and down her thighs, to her hips and waist, pushing himself to sit up as well and as if she read his mind, she met him in a kiss halfway.  He found the edge of her shirt and pushed it up, more hearing than seeing her pull it rest of the way off. Her hair must have been short or tied up since he didn’t feel it even on her shoulders and nape of her neck._

_When he concentrated, he just could just feel the similarities, the warm and soft breasts, lithe build, arm muscles that were firm from physical labor of a lifetime... The way she pressed against him, when he kissed up a trail up her neck, shuddering and grinding..._


	6. Fairytale for the ones with no hope

In the dilapidated ruins of a suburb of Tampere, the ever-dwindling number of locals scavenging paused, when a completely unknown couple approached, looking around and avoiding debris, stumbling about.

Marjukka, who was the eldest of them, in her sixties, paused from searching the ruins to find usable bricks under the rubble to reinforce their shelter.

“Excuse me?” the small woman began nervously, voice muffled by the mask. 

“What is it?” she asked and looked at the couple. What she could tell from the style of their clothes and gas masks, they weren’t from Tampere at all.

“I’m looking for my sister. She lived near here. Her name was Anne. She had a husband and what I know of, a son.”

Marjukka shared a look with some others of the group.

“The Pilve family?”

“Yes. I recall her husband having that name, yes. It’s a rare one.”

“Their house was just down the street.”

“A-are they-“ she faltered and the other grabbed her arm to support her.

“The bomb had the house catch on fire and it sadly collapsed on them. We buried Anne and her husband at the ruins.”

“And their son?” the other one, a man not much taller than the woman asked, something akin of urgency in his voice.

“…we didn’t find him. We searched the whole area once the ruins cooled, they were too hot to go poking around. We don’t know if he got away… but… we found them by the door and we knew them well. They most likely tried to get him out of the house when it started to collapse. They adored that boy to no end and would have done anything to spare him from harm...”

“What is his name?”

“Rolf.”

“So… there could be a chance that my cousin is alive?” the man seemed to perk up at that, but his mother laid a hand on his arm.

“A couple expecting a child fled towards the north, that’s all I know. They knew them well, maybe they took Rolf with them, but… you can’t survive long without a gas mask. There is a MedCen, or what’s left of it some distance away from here, you can try asking. We are sorry. They were well liked. They were good people.”

“Can we see the remains of the house?”

Marjukka motioned one of the younger men to guide them. “Don’t remove your gas masks. Remember that. Don’t touch anything with your bare hands.”

“We know, our hometown is almost as bad…”

“Heikki can show you to the MedCen as well, it still functions, but to a much smaller scale.”

“Thank you,” they both thanked, seemingly grateful.

She watched them go, heaving a heavy, sad sigh. “…I still have sleepless nights, when I wonder where that boy vanished to… He was barely out of his teens...”

“Maybe Elias and Reetta took him with them? They never ventured too far from the house after Elias’ gas mask filter failure,” one of the women suggested.

“That’s what I’ve hoped, but…” she knew how little it took to die from the lingering contamination even now, let alone at the worst of it.

 

“This was their house. This was the most proper burial we could give…” Heikki motioned towards the two crude yet well-maintained mounds in the backyard of the rotting remains of the house. “We found them just meters from the back door… the tracks around here suggested some people had been here before us, but… We can’t know for sure.” The whole neighborhood had been worried sick if the boy had gotten into the hands of the few more savage groups, but after they found out Elias and Reetta too were gone and some passerby had mentioned seeing a couple heading North, they had feared the worst.

“I hope… it was painless…”

“Yeah… We were shocked… They didn’t deserve to die like that…”

“…I need to know… if my cousin was taken to the MedCen if he was hurt or something. Shouldn’t medical personnel know quite a lot of what’s been going on around here?” the man asked, adamant on getting answers.

“Antony, calm down. I’m sorry, he’s always been wanting to meet his cousin, they are only 6-ish years apart, they would have been great friends…”

“We too want closure on it. We just… haven’t had time nor guts to go and ask. The man who’s the main medic is called Jarkko Ahola. He can be a bit of an asshole, but he has saved several lives…”

After the mother and son had paid their respects with Heikki, they began the arduous trek towards the MedCen.

The truck at the yard had been long unused, covered in snow and all windows were broken.

“Almost no fuel left anywhere… Here, they should still be open…”

The path was haphazardly shoveled and uneven, but rather worn. The doors creaked with an ear-shattering screech, revealing a room filled with several cots by the still intact glass windows to let in some light.

“Jarkko? It’s me, Heikki. I brought some people here with me who want some answers.”

The man who came out of the little office was long-haired, thin and looked like he could use proper food and sleep.

“What is it?”

“You didn’t happen to have a young boy named Rolf Pilve treated here once? After the large-scale bomb raid?” Heikki braved to ask when the two fell silent at the sight of the place.

“Rolf… That name does sound familiar…”

“He was probably 16 or 17, blond hair, small guy… These are his relatives, aunt, and cousin.”

“Hold on, I’ll search my notes…” Jarkko pulled open a drawer from a banged up file cabinet and the number of files in it was alarmingly small. “Found it…. Severe concussion, smoke and soot inhalation, bruises… Suffered from quite a bit of concussion side-effects, vertigo, and nausea. Dismissed after some time. I sent him towards the highway leading north, the kid didn’t have a gas mask on… The Red Cross supply truck ran that day along the highway, Antti Railio was the driver, he tends to pick up strays and take care of everyone he meets. There is hope he made it to the highway… Mirka, my late colleague did find a runaway patient, who was in the bed next to his. She did have a gas mask when brought in, but not when he found her… He said there were two sets of tracks until they separated and she had headed south, while other tracks went north. If you head north, you might find him. If he has survived this long.”

“You kicked a boy who could barely stand on his own two feet out there? He had no knowledge of how to survive out there!” Heikki blew up before Antony or the woman, Sirkka, could.

“We had a disease running rampant in the other wing. Even the nurses died. It was only a matter of time until the few patients I still had here would have caught it, along with us. I’m the only survivor of that epidemic. This section is the only uncontaminated indoor area… I wanted Rolf and the girl, Leena, survive at least a little longer. She didn’t, but he was otherwise healthier with no major physical injuries. I did what I had to. I would contact Antti if I could, but there’s nothing to contact him with. Head north along the highway, they are safer now than back then. Hope for the best and fear for the worst. I’ve had many sleepless nights over this…”

“You were right, he is an asshole,” Antony muttered and snatched Rolf’s file from Jarkko, who let them have it. They were relatives after all.

“Yeah… I’ll lead you to the highway, but then I must head back.”

Sirkka suddenly pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.”

“I hope he’s still alive… and I wish there was a way of communicating…”

“Why don’t you come with us?” Antony asked. He seemed to be worried about his mother.

“I’m sorry, but my place is here. We’ve stuck around long enough, we can survive… We still have some rations left and a local faction is diving supplies to the remaining population.”

Sirkka and Antony looked at each other. They suspected the number of people still living in Tampere was a mere fraction of what it had been. The city had been mostly deserted and they had seen very few people on their way, managing to find enough people to ask directions from. They had been most friendly towards the strangers and helpful, but not offering them shelters or provisions. There was no blaming them, they most likely lived on scraps.

“Well, I hope you will have many years in front of you. Thank you for everything. I hope I could send you any information, but…” Sirkka looked sadly at the man, who simply shook his head and headed off, waving them goodbye.

“Mom… Are you sure you’re up for a journey like this?”

“I have to… I wish I could have seen my sister one last time, but I need to know is my nephew alive or did he…” she sobbed and Antony pulled his mother into a hug.

“We go by your pace, mom… You’re the only thing I have left…”

His father had died of radiation caused cancer, that had taken over his body rather aggressively and he had been forced to watch his father die an agonizing death three months ago. He knew his mother was sick as well, but she tried to act like nothing was wrong.

“We’ll find him… I won’t rest until I see him.”

He looked at his mother with growing sadness. There was no way she’d make it all the way to… wherever Rolf may be. Once again hiding his face, he hooked his mother’s arm into his and began to guide their way towards the far distant North.

 

***~*~***

 

The room was fairly organized, resembling more of a library than an office, the latest reports spilling all over the desk. The man behind it was sitting hunched on his chair, leaning heavily against the paper-covered tabletop, deep lines etched onto his face. His once black hair was streaked with gray and when he ran his fingers through the tangle, he grimaced at the rather large quantity of loose hair on his hand. Once the pain settled, he sat up straighter and looked at the door upon hearing a heavy knock.

He was running out of time.

“Jussi? You wanted to see me?” the large man at the doorway asked.

“Antti Railio, just the man I needed at this hour. Sorry to have you woken up in the middle of the night.”

“It’s fine, I went to bed early. You don’t look too good…”

“I know and I’m feeling it… I need you to make one last run. And fast.”

“Supply run?”

“We are pretty much out. Take whoever is left and head to North. You need to find Jyrki Linnankivi…”

“Wherever I can find him if he’s even alive.”

“He’s alive. If he dies, I die, but also… if I die, he dies… And I’m not going to last long. You need to head out of Helsinki and towards North, I don’t know exactly where he is, but you know the area better than me.”

“He’s a shaman, isn’t he?”

“Yes, and I’m his anchor… He settled to live in a small cottage-kota combo in the middle of nowhere with his Huskies when I last saw him. You’ll know him when you see him. A tall man with black hair, blue eyes.”

“I’ll head to Rovaniemi then. There are people I’d love to see again actually.”

“Then it’s good. Leave before morning…”

Antti saluted his boss. “I will. I’ll get everything ready, don’t worry about me. Just… just worry about yourself, alright?”

Jussi gave him a lopsided smile. “I’ll hang in here. Tell him… Tell him I’m sorry. That... That I have cancer and will hold out as long as he needs me, but even my strength is limited and he’s too far away to draw strength from. Please…. Hurry.”

Antti nodded with a grim look on his face and turned to leave, hiding his sorrowful face and trying to hope for the best.


	7. Once upon a time there was a boy who wrote a fairytal

 

“Jarmo?”

“Hush, honey. Your brother needs to rest, he’s sick…” he looked up to the green eyes of his mother, worry marring her porcelain doll-like features. He couldn’t understand why his brother couldn’t talk anymore, why he couldn’t play with him anymore. They had done everything together. Now, it was just him lying on the bed, struggling for breath, coughing blood, a large swollen lump bulging on his throat.

It scared him. His brother was his best friend. His only friend. His family was shunned and rarely got any help from other people. He blinked and dried his eyes to his sleeves, watching his father put another log on the fire and his mother mixing herbs together, brow furrowed and tears silently streaming down her sunken cheeks.

“My sister’s husband and their son are coming tomorrow, they are bringing stronger herbs. You remember your cousin? Mikko? He’s about your age. You should get to know him. He’s a nice boy,” his mother, Helena said suddenly and tried to give him a smile, but it failed and looked more like a grimace.

Mother wasn’t beautiful or loving anymore, just an agitated, haunted wreck of a woman, who scared him. She didn’t hug him, only fawned over Jarmo and ignored him, unless he did something in her books that was not acceptable and he’d get reprimanded. He didn’t like that.

Day in, day out, he listened to his brother struggle for breath. It began months ago. They had been playing, sliding down the hill when his brother had suddenly grabbed his throat upon losing his voice mid-shout. He had told him his throat felt weird and they had agreed to go ask their mother what was wrong. Everything went wrong after that. Eating and speaking became harder and he watched his brother go from a healthy 10-year-old to a gaunt, emaciated figure of a child.

Sudden silence after coughing and shuffling woke him from his reverie and he bolted upright at his mother’s anguished scream. She held Jarmo in her arms and shook him, pet his curls and call his name between sobs. Their kota became too suffocating for him to draw breath, but he couldn’t leave either. He knew what the silence meant. He saw bluish gray lips and limp form in fragments as his world shattered around him.

“NO!” he screamed and closed his eyes when pain exploded behind his eyes and he scrunched them shut.

“Juha STOP!” his father shouted and his mother screamed again. He couldn’t hear anything else over the pounding in his ears and everything turned red.

**~**~**

“Juha… wake up, boy, what happened here?” he heard a strange voice asking him. He opened his eyes to see a faintly familiar man crouching before him. Oh, uncle Jouni.

“I don’t know. Jarmo went away. He left me.”

“How about you come with me and Mikko, let’s get some fresh clothes on you, you are in your sleeping clothes. You are coming with us for a while, ok?”

“Alright…” Jouni undressed and redressed him swiftly, making sure he was facing the dark wall of the kota.

“What is that smell? Why the fire is out?”

“It guttered out after you fell asleep, I have a lantern here with me. Come on, be a good boy now, stay here while I get the sled turned around, there’s a blizzard out there. Go through your toys or such. Won’t be long.”

Juha got a feeling he was making sure he wouldn’t see anything else. Once he heard the flap open and close and footsteps fading, he turned around.

The whole kota was sprayed with blood. His parents lay motionless, covered in blood, the different knives from the storage containers had some reason embedded themselves into his parents and dead brother. All the Sámi made knives… All Sámi items had flown out of their places.

“…you… are the one… who did this…” he heard a small voice say from the doorway. He looked to his left to see a small boy, around his age, just as scrawny as him, hair as red as his, curling around his narrow face.

“Pain. Red.”

“Dad can help you. I did the same… I hurt mommy.”

“Can uncle Jouni fix this?”

“I don’t know. Come on, we need to go. Blizzard’s getting worse.”

**~**~**

He always felt different from the rest in the camp, but with Mikko, he felt normal, whole, they were both murderous freaks, as he referred to them in his mind. They were cousins closer than brothers as they grew up under Jouni’s watchful eye. Mikko never learned to read, but Juha picked the ability up with ease. He watched over his smaller cousin when his father fell ill and died after a bout of bronchitis. They were left to their own devices after that and others stopped talking to them.

They were outcasts within the camp of 26 people, numbers dwindling as they fled to other settlements or simply disappeared or died. He simply spent his days with either Mikko, them exploring their changing bodies in their own little kota, or reading the few scrolls he had gotten in the Great Meeting, as Jouni had called it. He remembered their distant cousin, who had been a baby, an outsider who was said to become a shaman and a young man with mystery shrouding him and he felt he must get to know him.

Shaman. He wanted to be one. Mikko too. They shared one dream.

The spirits made him kill his parents, they made Mikko kill his mother.

 

Mikko…

Where was he?

He came to in a warped glass-like orb, lying on the ashen ground, red all around him.

“Mikko… where are you…” he groaned and tried to move his stiff limbs. It took him a while to get on his knees and look around. He recognized this realm. Limbo. He was still in Limbo, but without Mikko… there was no way out.

He reached out towards the glass-like substance and it didn’t budge, but he felt a current run through it. He was trapped. Who had trapped him?

Oh yes. Tony. The shaman apprentice, all riled up over him taking the spirit of his “friend”. Someone had outsmarted and outpowered him, but who and how.

“Hmph. Once I get Mikko back… you are going to pay for this. You. will. pay.”

The orb didn’t move, but when he focused, he could sense around it and through the current that ran through it, he caught glimpses of even further away from him. Shards of Seita. The presence of the Grand Master still lingering. He had all the time he needed. One by one, he’d work out his weaknesses. That bitch wouldn’t surprise him again.

 

**~***~**

In the cottage far away, Rolf paused with a frown when his runes remained floating in the air, not revealing anything.

“…what is going on?”


	8. Chapter 8

Sirkka and Antony were exhausted after two days of travel, having not covered much ground, the road was mostly blocked by snow and he had dug a path forward through the shallowest parts of the heavy, hardened polanne formations. They were sore, tired and sweaty, but they felt cold once they stopped, making sleeping nearly impossible. The air was still not good to breathe since they heard no birds, saw no animals, there was absolutely no life whatsoever.

The third night, just before dawn, they were sitting on the broken-down street light post and tried to ignore their dizziness. Their provisions had ended already and they simply held on through sheer willpower.

“We don’t have water left, we don’t have food left, we are done…” Antony told his mother, voice muffled by the gas mask. His eyes stung from the air and he put his arm around the trembling form of his mother. Sirkka was bent over and trying to hold on against passing out. She was a sick woman and had weakened despite Antony doing his best to ease her path.

In the barely growing light, he saw headlights approaching and a telltale rumble of an engine in the distance, snow billowing on both sides of it.

“Mom? Someone’s coming. Maybe that’s the guy they were talking about. Come on, wake up, mom,” he gently shook her and she raised her head.

“Oh thank God…” she muttered and held herself upright as he got up, grabbing his flashlight and waving it around, jumping and waving his arms. The driver apparently saw them, since the lights flashed a couple of times and there was a loud honk.

“Mom! He saw us! It’s slowing down!”

“That’s great, Antony…”

“Come on!” he hauled her up despite her protests and leaned heavily against him. The truck stopped between the windswept polanne and they heard the driver side door open and someone climbed down.

“Hey!”

“Thank God! Can you help us?!” Sirkka exclaimed when the bulky man came to their view in the headlights.

“I just keep finding people around here! Are you heading North as well?”

“How did you know? We are!” Antony shouted the engine sounded horribly loud in the silence.

“Everybody wants there! Come on, climb in, you are lucky. South is nearly empty and I was told not to return there! This is the last chance to go up North!” The driver opened the door and let Antony climb in first before he leaned out to give his mother a hand. She barely had the strength to climb up and only made it with the driver giving her a boost.

Insides of the truck were spacious but dusty, only hastily cleaned up. “Well, at least you are in better shape than the last stray I picked up. Sorry for the possibly inappropriate places to help you up with,” he apologized. “My name is Antti Railio.”

“It’s quite fine, I’m in need of food, water and rest… I’m Sirkka Parviainen, this is my son, Antony.”

“Are you from Tampere?” Antti asked while shifting gears and getting the truck moving after few spinouts.

“No, we are from Suolahti...” Antony said and helped her mother take off the outer clothes.

“Ah, fuck, sorry, where are my manners, do help yourselves, there is a cooler with some food, dig in, feel free to use the bunk to catch some sleep, we have a long way to go. And it’s a slow one, there’s no knowing how the road is blocked. Looks like there’s no activity on the roads anymore… Last time I was on the road, however… It was just before I heard rumors of the North being invaded.”

“Invaded?”

“Yeah, lots of helicopters, trucks, they are scouring the lands for resources, I guess. It’s not the world’s safest place, but safer than the South. You don’t need gas masks in there or anything.”

Antony rummaged the cooler to get them some water and simple foods, enjoying the nourishment.

“So, you seek shelter?” Antti asked just as Sirkka was about to fall asleep.

“Not actually. Well, that too, but… Mom’s sister lived in Tampere and we went to look for them, we were told they were dead, that their house had collapsed after an air raid, but their son, my cousin survived. All we know his name was Rolf and that the MedCen sent him along this very road to North…” Antony couldn’t hold back anymore. “Mom’s very sick and she just wanted to see her family the last time. The medic said he sent Rolf out here before you passed the city…” He was exhausted and almost desperate to know, for her sake. He wanted her to know before she passed.

“Rolf… Pilve?”

“Yes…”

“He was a tiny, blond teen I picked up from the side of the road. I was surprised to find him alive, I had passed a dead girl not too far away from two sets of tracks. She had headed south while the other tracks went towards the north. He asked me to take him to North, his neighbors had headed there, but he didn’t know where, so I just took him to the only settlement I found a road to anymore. Nightwish. It was north from Kukkolankoski, maybe closer to Aavasaksa fell, I think. I left him there with my friends to look after. That was… 2005 or 2006… I did another supply run in um… 2012-ish, Nightwish settlement had vanished and I just followed the carnage towards Rovaniemi. A fell had been blown up on the way there for some reason. Found remains of Nightwish in there, Rolf included, but the kid was… Messed up. Tuomas, a friend of mine, a healer, said he should recover, but I had to leave after a week. His neighbors were also in Rovaniemi, so at least he was reunited with some familiar faces. That’s all I know.”

The news wasn’t what they expected, but at least they now knew where he had ended up. Antony squeezed his mother’s hand, when she clutched it, with hope gleaming in her tired eyes before she huddled further into the bed bunk to give Antony some space to sleep next to her.

***~**~***

They arrived at the smoking ruins of Oulu, picking up two families who were happy to ride in the back, letting Sirkka, Antony, and Antti have the cabin. They were stopped by two other men less than 15 minutes of continuing the journey after the families had climbed on. Antti, who was a large fellow, had to look up at them. They had introduced themselves as Timo and Pasi Kauppinen, asking a ride to Wolf Range.

“Wolf Range… Nobody has lived there since 2012 I heard. I head few people mentioning it in Rovaniemi, apparently, they all fled. They are in Rovaniemi and that’s where I’m headed. We should be there soon. You’re not the only people to look for friends and family there, so might as well hop in here. Antony and Sirkka, sorry for the company, but we are getting closer.”

“It’s alright, I’m feeling a lot better and I don’t mind company,” she smiled and the two men smiled back, squeezing into the cabin and they managed to work out sitting places for all of them, so the journey would go more comfortably.

It was early morning when they saw wrecks of wind turbines and a jagged crater in Loue, something Antti mentioned being partially doing of The Free, who now lived in Rovaniemi. The last 60 km was filled with suspense, as they saw more and more reindeer and were drawing near of the settlement.

“Aaaand here we are! Rovaniemi settlement!” Antti claimed as the gates came into visual, along with thin columns of smoke from the cabins and goahtis. He pressed the horn and stopped just short of the gates and managed to turn the truck so the rear was facing the gate. They piled out, Pasi and Timo helping out Sirkka and Antony, while the two families climbed out after Antti opened the rear hatches. The gates creaked open and Antti laughed.

“Guys! You look well!” he shouted as he hugged several men he had obviously known for a long time.

“You too! Come on in, all of you, welcome to Rovaniemi. We are most happy to have new people live here, even if I might not have the right to say that.”

“Naw, Marco, nobody says no to you. Come on, the provisions are going to be taken care of, come to stretch your legs and see the settlement yourselves. Your new home.”

Sirkka clung to Antony’s arm as they walked through the gates with the others and looked around, curious of the odd-looking structures, oddly dressed people.

“This… is a whole different world…” she whispered as they watched a trio of women, one of them with a small child and a tall, lean man approach Antti.

“Anette! Nitte, Tarja! I’m so glad to see you well.”

“Antti! Our favorite saving angel! You are not gonna believe who the Sámi brought back! Our kids! Our kids were safe and sound with them and they still even remembered us!” the smallest of them, Anette squealed and all but jumped into Antti’s bear hug, to which he enclosed the other small woman as well.

“Really? Oh me oh my, that’s wonderful! And Tarja, is that finally a baby of your own?”

“Yes, Lumi, meet uncle Antti, mom has told about him…”

They looked at them interacting and saw other people approaching, curious, while some others clearly went to haul the cargo out. The families were approached by some and they were seemingly taken to find lodgings, while the Kauppinen brothers suddenly separated from them towards a man coming out of a cabin. Judging from the bear hugs, they found whom they had been looking for.

“The air is clear, smells good… And I think I can even smell the happiness,” Sirkka mumbled to Antony’s ear and he simply held her closer. They were scanning the crowds, the elderly woman hoping she’d see a familiar face.

“Where’s Tuomas?” Antti asked and brought their attention back to him and his friends.

“He’s… dead. He was killed by another shaman in a skirmish three years after your last visit. Things went… bad…” Tarja said. “Jyrki is now sort of… in his place. This is Jyrki Linnankivi, one of the Shaman Grand Masters, currently the senior shaman, actually,” she introduced the dark-haired, tattooed man next to him.

“Jyrki? I have a message from Jussi. To you. He… he apologizes, but he’s dying of cancer. He can’t help from the south anymore. He still loves you, you know.”

“I know… I’ve felt him going worse lately and I’ve prepared for it. I know what to do…”

Antti gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to it. Now, who are these two behind you?”

“Ah, Sirkka and Antony, they are actually looking for someone here… Heeeeeeeeeey, I know that face!” Antti’s attention was suddenly snapped away from Jyrki.

“Thought I knew who sounds like thunder when he walks…” came a comment in a broken voice and the small crowd parted. Through the gap came a man of short stature, limping and with slightly crooked back, face adorned with a few scars and an intricate tattoo, blond hair spilling from either side under the thick hat.

“Rolf!” With that, Antti swept up the tiny man and gave him a long hug. “Gosh, you look so much better than I last saw you!”

“I know… Barely made it though. Put me down already!”

They laughed and Antti gently settled the blond to his feet, steadying him. “And look at your face, you’re a shaman nowadays?”

“Eh, Grand Master, actually, with a student of my own.”

“Wow. And first of all, you weren’t even supposed to be walking ever again!”

Sirkka and Antony glanced at each other, confused but also shocked. What had happened? Sirkka took few slow steps towards them.

“Excuse me?” she said and Antti stepped aside a bit. “You’re Rolf Pilve? From… Tampere? Son of Anne?”

The smile Rolf had had on his face since talking with Antti faded. “I… I don’t remember her name anymore… Maybe.”

“I… She um… She was my younger sister. My name is Sirkka Parviainen. This is my son, Antony. He’s… he’s your cousin.”

When she looked at him closer, trying to ignore the tattoo that she really did not like, he did bear some semblance to her sister, making her tear up.

“Gosh you look like her…” she whispered and took a step closer, taking off her glove to touch his cheek gently. “You’ve ended up far away from home. I thought I’d never see you…”

“…I didn’t know either of them had siblings…”

“…we didn’t part in best of terms… Our mother and father never approved her marrying your father… We moved to Suolahti, to our own community…”

“Why you started to look for them?” Rolf looked at him, confused, a tall, curly-haired man came to stand by him and laid a hand on his shoulder briefly.

“My husband died recently and… I feel I don’t have much time. I wanted to see my sister at least once more. I knew she had a son, and when we managed to find your former neighbors, Marjukka and Heikki, they helped us as much as they could. Heikki took us to the MedCen you were treated and he gave us your file and we left. We wouldn’t have made it if Antti hadn’t come…”

“He has that habit. To show up when he’s needed,” Rolf gave a lopsided smile and Sirkka noted he was getting twitchy and his lips were paler, his face looked tense. “I um… I don’t want to be rude, but can we continue this inside, I’ve been outside for a while and I’m getting cold…”

“Of course… Antony? Do you have our stuff?”

“Yes, mom. Don’t worry… Is there a place where we could sleep?” he asked his cousin, noting that they were almost the same height, Rolf seemed taller by few centimeters.

“There’s only another double bed… my… foster father passed away recently, so there’s room in our cabin…”

“Sorry for your loss… I’m glad you found at least support here. I’m sure you were scared…”

“I don’t remember much of the first months up here, I’ve lost more memories since, but… Anette pretty much adopted me and once I came here, Timo sort of… became a father figure to me. I don’t remember my real parents much anymore… Lauri, please tell me there is enough food…” he asked the tall man, who supported him as he faltered upon turning towards the cabins some distance away.

“I’ll get some from the ladies, don’t worry. Come on, let’s get you warmed up and them fed. You can catch up by the fire.”

Sirkka narrowed her eyes at the way Lauri held Rolf as he limped, even worse than he used to when he had walked up to them. His other leg seemed to almost give out a couple of times and he stopped to cough once and she noticed, how the other man avoided touching his back. Something was wrong here.

Antony took notice of it too but said nothing.

Once inside, they saw more strange objects and only two double beds. Her mood soured.

Rolf was helped by Lauri to take off the outer clothes and the boots, some sudden movements causing him to hiss and grunt. They stole glances to see what was making Rolf that tender, but they saw nothing, his body concealed by the long-sleeved shirt and loose trousers.

“What’s wrong?” Antony asked them, as he was helping his mother. He had noticed Rolf go from a rather well-moving man to stiff like an elderly person.

“Old injuries… Long and unpleasant story.”

“We have time…” Sirkka said as she made her way towards the hearth, warming her trembling hands. “You can tell me. I’m your aunt. You can tell me everything.”

It took few minutes of hesitation and uncomfortable silence, before Rolf relaxed under the backrub Lauri was giving him and he heaved a long sigh.

“I was… captured along with rest of the Nightwish and taken to… what was that place called?” Rolf asked Lauri.

“Kätkävaara. A fell you passed along the road. Or what’s left of it…”

“Anyway, they thought they could get Tuomas, a shaman whose apprentice I was, to tell them something. I don’t’ even remember what they wanted to know. They… tortured me… over and over… Brought me back, took me there again… Until Tuomas managed to ask another shaman for help… through spirits… We were saved…”

“According to Tuomas, Rolf went into cardiac arrest at least thrice, so his survival hung by a thread, but… after resetting his broken legs and looooooooong three years of recovery for his back, he was well enough to take on another shaman, who tried to… well, freeze the world. I lost my companion then.”

“The shaman tried to cut my throat, but only gave me a deep cut on my chest, I was sick with fever and caught pneumonia on top of it… I was in and out of delirium again for weeks… I… My memory has taken the brunt of it, I don’t remember much of the time before the capture… But I survived, made it to a full-fledged shaman and I’m helping people, so… I guess it turned out for the best…”

“You… were tortured?” Sirkka looked horrified and Antony held her, looking worried.

“…yes… I’ve recovered as much as there was to recover… Cold air just affects me faster. My knees go stiff despite layers of clothing and I can’t always crouch down… My back, well, the muscles are what they are, some wounds were deeper than the others. I can’t make sudden movements and mostly… the only thing to keep me from constant pain and immobilizing me in the bed is warmth… heat…” he sounded reluctant to share it all.

“Can… can I see?” she asked and he looked away, shaking his head. She frowned when Lauri leaned in over his shoulder and whispered something to him. A knock on the door brought their attention.

“Um, hey. Oh, you had visitors. I just thought I’d let you know, there’s sauna tonight. Proceedings as before.”

“Elias…” Rolf greeted him with a smile before the older man closed the door again.

“Sauna? You have sauna here?” Antony seemed to perk up.

“Yes. There are three or four in total here, one in each part of the settlement. We use them sparingly and usually, we go there in large groups. Families with kids usually go in their own shift, while friends and such go there together. The Sámi don’t go in often…” Lauri explained.

“Women and men separate?” Sirkka asked sharply, making Rolf frown a little.

“No. Nobody cares really,” Rolf shrugged.

“That’s inappropriate!”

“Mom…” Antony rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Could we just… eat and rest and then go to the sauna?”

“Ah, damn. Bad host, I’m sorry!” Lauri snapped into action and got their guests some bowls and spoons, before getting the lid off from the pot of stew. “Reindeer stew, dig in. Cool water is in that one…”

**~**~**

Rolf was uneasy, even though he could tell she wasn’t a bad person and that he could trust her. He could feel she was holding back something. He could feel she looked at them oddly, suspiciously even and when she had looked appalled that men and women bathed together in the sauna, he was quite sure she wouldn’t take his relationship with Lauri sitting down.

He also could sense she was sick. Really sick. And he almost saw the question coming.

“So, do you have a girl?”

He watched Antony roll his eyes at his mother and shake his head.

“No. Never really been interested in them… I’m with Lauri.”

“You can’t do that to your parents! They’d roll in their graves-“

“Mother!”

“What makes you think you know how they’d feel?” he asked calmly and Sirkka narrowed her eyes at him.

“You said out there you don’t really even remember them, what makes you think you can say that to me? She was my sister!”

“Whom you didn’t keep contact…” he closed his eyes briefly and leaned in to take his rune blocks from the bedside table. He gathered them to his hand, feeling the warm wood against his palm. He brought his closed fist against his forehead. Spirits responded to him immediately and he whispered his parent’s names, before tossing the runes across the cabin, onto a drum that was lying on a table under the window. Every hit thrummed loudly in the air and Rolf smiled upon seeing the air vibrate, felt it against his own bones. From the corner of his eye, he saw Sirkka and Antony startle.

He felt familiar caress across his face and saw Lauri’s curls shift a little. Flames tried to reach towards Sirkka and Antony and they shifted back, eyes wide.

“What was that?”

“A spirit,” he said simply.

“A what?”

“We shamans interact with them. We can talk to them, enter their realm and the realm between.”

“Hmph, Lappi hooey…” his aunt muttered and Rolf was hoping he hadn’t woken up today. “It was bad enough the Karelians came to Suolahti and they were a bunch of superstitious fools. Now you’ve been brainwashed by the Lappi people…”

“Enough,” Rolf said and Sirkka closed her eyes when two gusts of wind blew against her. “If you don’t respect the spirits, whether they are the lingering souls of the recently passed or those long lost, you won’t last a day in the North. I learned, that simply not believing in them can cause you pain… The two spirits I summoned here… were of my parents… and they are not happy with you. You can sleep here tonight, but tomorrow, we will look for new lodgings for you. If you cannot accept who I am, or my relationship with Lauri, I have no desire to see you around…”

“How dare you!” Sirkka got to her feet surprisingly fast considering she was still shaken, but she was angry, he could feel it.

“Mother, stop… please, I’m begging you… stop. They have different beliefs here…” Antony grabbed her arm and Rolf was correct with his hunch. His cousin he would get along with just fine. Not his aunt.

“I don’t want to argue with you. Just… hold your tongue with other shamans and I won’t tell them. Lauri can look for clean towels for you. You will come to sauna with us, you need it.”

Sirkka was about to protest, yet again, but she was silenced by Antony yanking her down.

“Thanks.  I’d like to scrub clean, Antti wasn’t quite thorough with cleaning the truck cabin.”

Rolf just nodded, but he felt his temples throbbing until a gentle touch on his face made him sigh. He had bluffed, it wasn’t his mother, but Jani and Terhi’s mother, who had helped him to bluff. He had encountered her spirit every now and then and had learned a few tricks from her.

“Rolf, you have a nosebleed again.”

“I know…” he whispered and took a rag from the bedside table, wiping his nose to it. This night would be restless. He scrunched his eyes shut when sudden but brief pain seared through his head. This was unexpected.

Something had happened in Limbo.


	9. Chapter 9

Sirkka had grumbled the whole short walk to sauna and while the others already there had been somewhat surprised, they kept their distance. She seemed to calm down somewhat, when she noted the majority of the sauna-goers being older and mostly men, who paid no heed to the women’s bodies, only talking and nothing she would deem dirty.

She did cover her mouth, when Rolf had gotten his shirt off and she could see the stitched up cut on his chest, the scar, as pale as it was, still standing out against his light skin. He glanced up at her quiet gasp, that turned into a frown, when she saw more tattoos spiraling along his arms, all of them the glyphs they had seen all around. He looked down at them too, mementos of people he had lost and a reminder for him that this was where he belonged.

Lauri pulled him up while Antony did the same to Sirkka, who was hesitant to let go of her towel. Antony shook his head and watched Rolf limp to the door at the other end of the spacious dressing and washing room. Sirkka was staring wide-eyed at the sight of Rolf’s back and saw exactly why he leaned more to the other side. The skin was crisscrossed with scars and some muscles were obviously long damaged, pulling his posture slightly off kilter, but they had seen him able to stand and sit straighter, so it wasn’t serious damage. It was still a horrible sight.

“…what savages did that…” she had whispered and looked at Antony, who looked rather sick. After a while, they followed them to the sauna.

The large, wooden cubicle was rather full and the hot steam made Antony flinch at first. When their eyes got used to the dimness, they could see the people in there and looked for places to sit.

“You can sit here, if you don’t like the heat…” a female voice said and they looked up at the second row, where a tattooed, red-haired woman sat with another tattoo-bearing man. They ushered the younger couple with their small son to make some room.

“Is it good for a child that small be in a sauna?” Sirkka asked after she had nodded her thanks and sat down, Antony pulling a face at her words. The couple just laughed.

“Markus is a tough cookie; besides, he likes it here and it makes him sleepy faster. He slept poorly last night…” the mother replied, ruffling the downy brown hair. “Oh, I’m Noora and this is my sorry excuse of a husband and a personal manservant, Pyry.”

“Is that all I am to you?” the man said in mock-horror, which caused several people to snicker around the sauna, even Antony was trying to suppress a smile. Only one not laughing at the situation was Sirkka.

“Well… I’ll think about it. I’ll give you the answer later.”

“Don’t wait too long, his beard might grow longer while you think about it,” Rolf commented from where he was sitting closer to the stove with Lauri, who snorted.

“I don’t like guys who are all about their beards… Sorry Marco. And Tony. And Elias. And whoever I forgot. Rolf, if you grow a beard, you age 20 years, thank the deities you haven’t done that again!”

“It was horrible…” he admitted with a rueful smile.

“This is normal when Noora, Pyry and Rolf are in the sauna at the same time, add Emppu to the mix and you are laughing until your sides hurt…” the woman sitting behind Sirkka and Antony said. She had wavy brownish-black hair and a tattoo on her hand.

“So, where are you from?” the red-haired woman asked, when the trio continued their sass-fest.

“Suolahti, but we’ve moved around Karjala a lot with our community group, until we settled down.”

“Karelians, huh? Tuomas, a former shaman Grand Master was from Kitee. Basically… half of the Nightwish-settlement I’m from were either from Karjala or picked up from along the way to the North, like Noora and Pyry,” the other woman explained.

“You’re Karelian too?”

“No, I’m Swedish, me and my husband fled the raids across the ice and deep into Finnish wilderness. We were a ragtag bunch, but. Sorry, forgot to introduce myself. I’m Anette, this is Terhi and her husband, Risto.”

“Sirkka, and my son, Antony. Rolf’s mother was my sister.”

“…do the tattoos bother you?” Terhi asked suddenly, when Sirkka’s eyes lingered on Anette’s hand as they had talked and the older woman had been partially turned towards them.

“I don’t understand why to mar your skin with impurities.”

“They mark healers and shamans. What Risto has, as well as Ari, me, Anette, and Jenny have, marks us as those with healing ability. We are easy to tell apart and get help. Rolf, Noora, Tony, Jyrki and I have also typical shaman and Shaman Grand Master tattoos. Tony has Sudenmieli, which is a privilege of wolf shamans, bearer of that tattoo has an understanding and control of the wolves. My late twin brother was the first one in generations to have it…”

“That is a bunch of hooey. You can’t control wolves, they are nothing but savage beasts!” Sirkka said louder than she apparently intended, because even she was startled.

“They are not savage. I saw her brother tell them to accompany me, as my protection, which they did. They even bring fresh game to Tony. They are intelligent animals!” one of the women said and looked highly offended.

“Mom…. please, stop raging again… They are helping us out of their free will and you start foaming about this again… You have different beliefs, you have yours, stay out of the topic, please…” Antony begged quietly. All the attention was on them and Rolf didn’t even look at them.

“Antony, are you taking their side?”

“No. I’m not taking sides, I’m the damage control… You’re tired and sore, you better go wash and then we’ll get you to bed… Come on…” he tried to pull her with him, but she wouldn’t budge.

“Bloody heretics…” she muttered and Antony pretty much manhandled the frail, but foul-mooded, old lady out and told her to wash up, before returning in the sauna for a bit.

“I’m… I’m terribly sorry… She’s been like this for a while… I think it’s the illness… She hasn’t been this… zealous of her Karelian beliefs…” he looked mortified and tried to sound sincere.

“She did hurl some insults, but who we are to judge people? We are all humans and trying to survive in this world. I can tell she’s in a lot of pain, but also that she is highly stubborn. Don’t worry, we are not offended by her, much,” Terhi shook her head.

“I still want her to live elsewhere…” Rolf said, not looking at Antony at all.

“I’m sorry, cousin. I didn’t think she’d lash out, even at you… I hope we can still be friends, though.”

“I have nothing against you. She just… makes me uneasy. Really uneasy.”

“…you’re not the only one…” he heard Toivo, huddled at the upper corner, muttering.

From the looks of other shamans and spirit sensitive people, he wasn’t the only one.

**** ****

“Louhi, Mistress of the North,  
Once foretold, she prophesied:   
Shall fire take life and bring back the past  
Open old wounds and instill ache  
Sacrifice of future, days to come  
When lost all hope is and dreams aswell.   
The one with nothing to lose, hopeless  
Blades of past will mark them again…”

  
Rolf stared at the dark window and after Sirkka’s croaking voice quieted and she seemed to fall asleep again, he pushed himself up, Lauri’s arm dropping to around his waist. He looked over to the other bed, seeing Antony sitting up on the floor, leaning against the bed and staring the dying flames of the hearth. When he looked up and saw his cousin staring at him, he shifted and the fire suddenly got brighter and the colder air in the cottage grew warmer.

“…she does that… often. She is convinced she is reciting and old Karelian prophesy. She recites that often, in the old Kalevala style.”

“If there is a clairvoyant somewhere in the family, a person who sees future or senses… unnatural things, somewhere along the family tree, there is bound to be a shaman or two at best,” Rolf explained quietly, staring at the flames. “It might be possible that she is… That there were relatives with the traits. Would explain why I’m a shaman.”

“So… you are a Grand Master, I guess the tattoo means it, it runs in the family? Shamanism?”

“I… I don’t think Jyrki would put it quite like that, but… I mean, Reetta is spirit sensitive, able to sense the spirits and her son is my shaman student. Tony’s grandmother was a shaman, Terhi and Risto’s parents were shamans, Risto is a healer and Terhi another Grand Master… It does run in the family, but not all end up as shamans…”

“Huh. So that’s like… everyday here? I mean, all this… these drawings and odd things and… shamans all around?” Antony was trying to find the words. “I don’t understand and I just-“

“It’s ok… It’s a lot to take in, honestly. Took me years. The glyphs are how the Sámi have depicted things and they have been burned into the runebones. Well, mine are not bone, but wood… Shamans nearly died out and there are apparently less and less of them. Not all Sámi have come here, but…” he paused, when the fire flickered again and his head felt like splitting open and the cottage spun around once in his eyes.

“Rolf? You ok? Need some fresh air?”

“I… actually… yes…”  
  
“I’ll help you out…”

Lauri kept snoring as Antony helped Rolf to get dressed and to the front steps. He pulled his parka on tighter and watched Rolf take deep breaths, leaning against the wall.

“Does this happen often? You feeling sick or something like that?”

“Haven’t gotten headaches in a while, but I tend to get sick easier. I just… this is something quite else. I need my runes…” Rolf heaved a sigh and made to return inside, when he froze and whipped around, looking up. The sky was once again ablaze with Northern Lights. Many people came outside as well.

“Wow, I’ve never seen anything like that!” Antony said and Rolf suddenly clapped a hand over his mouth.

“You’re not supposed to make loud sounds under them…”

“…sorry… Do they mean something?”

“A lot…” Rolf whispered, when the snaps and crackles from the lights filled the silent air. “I really need the runes now…”

By the time Antony had stopped admiring them, Rolf had managed to get off his outer clothes and was sitting by the fire, adding more wood and pulling the witch drum to him.

“Um, could you tell me about the drum and such? I’m kinda… curious.”

“…I guess… but later. “ He remembered the time when the runebones had behaved oddly. Something was off. He rolled his runes in his hand for a bit, other hand on the painted drum skin, trying to feel what was going on. Only thing he picked up was darkness, that was looming from somewhere he couldn’t point out. And rage.

“Lauri, you need to wake up…” he leaned to poke his lover and anchor to the side. “Wake up.”

“Mhm?” the mess of curls shifted and he managed to crack one brown eye open.

“I need to take a trip to Spirit World, I need you awake.”

Antony watched them, as Lauri yawned, rubbed his eyes and sat up.

“Might as well give you a rundown. Our worlds are layered. This is the world of the living, this part of the drum represents it and this particular rune means alive. Then there’s Spirit World, sort of… afterlife. Shamans can enter and exit it mostly as they please, but they need an anchor, otherwise they could get lost. Anchor is a person the shaman is grounded with to the world of the living. This rune means a spirit and this is the part on the drum meaning it,” he set another piece on the drum skin. “The middle part is Limbo. The world in between. Not many shamans can go there, Tony and I can, not sure about Terhi, but Tony needs to physically move here, to get between places in there. I don’t need to move, I just… feel the earth, I can find things… Tony can combine Limbo with this world, see them on top of each other. I can’t really… but I can see the Limbo version of this world… It’s grey… Ashy. Tony said he sees it rather reddish…”

Antony stared intently at the glyphs and the drum. “So, anchor is… well, an anchor. So you don’t… drift away from the… world of the living.”

“Yeah.”

“Does that… always require um…”

“A relationship? Mostly yeah. Platonic friendship works, at least Timo and Tony made it to work. Timo was a good anchor, he had been an anchor before. If anchor dies, the shaman they are anchored to dies and vice versa… He survived because his lover broke their connection point, Seita, before he died…”

“Ok. I didn’t get the… Seita thing.”

“It’s an object, the anchor point of the relationship, a physical manifestation. It can be found and broken in Limbo. The longer the relationship, more it hurts to break it. It feels like your head splits in two…”

“…you’ve had another anchor before?”

“…yeah. Had to break it since… I wasn’t sure would I survive the battle, he had a wife and kids, I had no right to keep him bound to me…” Rolf’s voice dropped even quieter when he talked about it and he didn’t look at Antony at all.

“Oh… Anyway, what are you going to do now?”

“There’s something odd going on, Northern Lights usually mean something major will happen. And some time ago, well… This happened.” Rolf tossed the wooden blocks onto the drum and one of them remained spinning in the air, right above the Limbo.

“Does that mean that… there’s like… something weird?”

“…I know exactly what could be in there, but…”

“Rolf, I think you shouldn’t try to go into Limbo.”

“I won’t, but I’m going to go look for answers from Tuomas, he might know…” They all glanced at the shuffling, but Sirkka kept on sleeping, snoring slightly. Lauri just nodded, giving Rolf’s shoulder a squeeze.

Antony watched Rolf lay his hand on the upper part of the drum, close his eyes, take a deep breath and sort of slump, while Lauri held him upright.

“He’s in. If he seems to sometimes dream and mumble, don’t wake him up. Never wake up a shaman, they can get stuck in Spirit World or something. Anchor is there to pull them out.”

**~**~**

This wasn’t supposed to happen…

Rolf found himself in Limbo and found odd tendrils of red littering the ashy grey space.

“Welcome, kid. Though, I guess you ain’t a kid anymore. You look all grown up, tiny as you are.”

He knew that voice. And he didn’t like it.

“Juha…”

“Bingo.”

Rolf dared to turn around. Juha was standing in a sphere, looking like he hadn’t aged a day, a dark bruise discoloring his neck and throat, a crusted wound still on his chin, where the pole had struck him, had thrown his head backwards with such a force his neck had snapped.

“So that’s where she locked you up…” Terhi had told him, but he hadn’t dared to go see. The scar on his chest still ached when he remembered him.

“Yeah. It’s a strong one, I give her that. Wouldn’t expect nothing less from a Liimatainen shaman. I knew they were a strong family, but this is impressive. You however… You are entirely different.” Juha began with some astonishment but ended his little speech with a tone that gave Rolf the creeps.

“I can feel your influence everywhere in here. And these shards of Seita… You shouldn’t have left them in my reach…” he said with a sinister smirk and raised up a shard he had held in his hand, making Rolf’s stomach drop. “Elias seemed really loving, surprised you let him go…”

“Anything to take you down.”

“Ah, the earthquake. You broke it to throw me off and save him. How generous. Well, I can’t use him against you, not from here. I do know however, how to get you down.”

Rolf tried to gather his thoughts and spirit to get to his original destination, Spirit World. The sphere suddenly moved and unraveled, putting the two shamans face to face.

“How the shit did you do that?” Rolf was sure he had paled and his concentration faltered. He was usually hard to surprise, but now, he was completely taken off guard. He looked up into Juha’s eyes. Even in the dull lightless light of the Limbo, he could make out faint outer ring of green and inner ring of red in them.

“You have a weakness, and it’s not your anchor…” Rolf nearly gulped, when Juha lifted his hand on his cheek, trailing it down the side of his neck and down, stopping on his chest. The red tendrils suddenly pulled closer to them and he realized what he was going to do.

He tried to shift the earth beneath him, but Juha was faster, flipping his legs from under him and slamming him onto his back, hand on his chest pressing down and squeezing, before Juha kneeled on his chest with one knee.

“…your lungs…” the redheaded shaman purred, amused how Rolf tried to claw his hand off his chest, but he was powerless like this. He felt the red tendrils turning into more translucent and swirling along the holding hand and pierce his chest, making his lungs burn twice as bad.

He needed help, now.

**~**~**

“Lauri… I think something’s wrong…” Antony pretty much stated the obvious, when Lauri winced and Rolf slipped from his grip, drawing ragged breaths and lips turning pale.

“We need another shaman here, I can’t pull him back for some reason. I can’t… reach him. Something is blocking him there.”

The younger man could tell the other was trying to keep calm, but whatever was going on, was affecting him as well.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“6th dwelling from this, wake up Tony. He’s the only other who can handle Limbo besides Rolf…”

Antony scrambled up and pulled on a parka and boots, making sure not to wake his mother up. It was the last they needed right now. “Which way?”

“Right. When you step out, go right, count the cottages and goahtis. Hurry the hell up…”

That had the short blond bolting out of the door. He ran to the end of the short “yard” and turned right, counting the buildings as he jogged along, he saw some light up and upon reaching the 6th, he saw the door open.

“Lauri sent me, Rolf needs help,” he said as soon as he was within hearing distance without shouting, it was night after all.

“We know. We felt something go awry. Tony’s dressing up, Aada, you better go with him, your eyes can be of use,” the blonde woman with a scarred face said. Tony was out in a bit, holding a light-eyed girl by her hand.

“Let’s go. Tell me what happened?”

“Um, we saw the Northern Lights, then he went inside, he had felt… bad, somehow. Then, he said he had felt something odd in Limbo, he said he stayed away of something in there. He woke up Lauri and said he’d go to… ask something of someone in the… what it was again…” he tried to explain as well as he could.

“Spirit World?” Tony offered.

“Yeah. He kinda just slumped and suddenly, just… got trouble breathing and Lauri seemed… off as well…”

“I know who is in the Limbo, I killed him while he was there and Terhi imprisoned him. Terhi, I think the prison could be open,” the older man said to a younger woman who joined them.

“I felt it. I don’t know how, but if he caught Rolf… Jenny thinks Aada could help?”

“She sees spirits after all. Plus, she needs some practical training, don’t you?”

They didn’t see the girl’s response, as Antony yanked open the door to the cabin.

The sight wasn’t pretty.

Sirkka was up, sitting on the bed, face unreadable. Antony went to sit next to her, to stay out of the way. Rolf was where he had slumped, dark red blood oozing from his nose and corner of his mouth.

“He’s being blocked, held back by someone. Look at his chest, I see a red glow on it,” Aada said. Lauri, whose hands were shaking, managed to get the shirt open and true enough, there was a hand shaped, dark bruise on the pale skin.

“It has to be Juha, I’ve felt the prison being tested occasionally, but I just felt it breaking. He just… unraveled it…” Terhi said as she knelt next to them. “Tony, please tell me you have reanchored?”

“Um… yeah. We have. She’s… a powerhouse of an anchor, really. A bit like Timo but more… there.”

“Good. Lauri, you really can’t get a hold of him through your bond?”

“Nothing. It’s like hitting a wall.”

“Tony, we need to try… I’ll handle his drum…” her voice faded as she was looking at the two wooden pieces on the Limbo part of the skin. Other was stationary and the other, spinning mid-air.

Before Tony could grab the pieces, the spinning one caught on fire and was reduced to ash, while the other was turning black. They were running out of time.

**~**~**

Rolf struggled and tried to fight him off and get some air into his burning lungs.

“What…do…you…want?”

“I want him back…” Juha growled and his grip faltered as the Limbo began to turn red.

“I’ll… make a… deal…” Rolf rasped and in curiosity, he let go.

“What kind of deal?”

“If I find him, will you stop this? You’ll tell me why. Why you do this. Why you tried to kill us all. I’ll find him, and you’ll hold your end of the deal…” he managed to say between gulps of air. The edges of his vision were still blurry black, but he found he could get his bearings and feel the ground again.

“I accept. I have nothing to lose, but if you come here without him…” he sent a pulse of something burning onto Rolf’s chest, making him squirm. As the redhead backed off, Rolf found that he couldn’t get up, he was too weak.

The red faded into gray and then, exploded with light and sounds. Rolf could make out a familiar drum beat and felt a slight hand grab his right hand, pulling him to his side and sitting. He tried to cooperate, but his limbs barely responded. Juha looked on and approached again, pushing him up and towards light.

“Don’t forget the deal.”

**~**~**

He recognized the familiar carpet under him as he was pulled on his side, as he coughed, trying to get the slimy substance out of his windpipe.

“What were you thinking?” he heard Tony’s voice, sounding irate at him, as usual.

“I wasn’t trying… I… fuck…” he wasn’t able to speak and he let Terhi wipe his face with a towel. “I tried to… go to Spirit… World. I didn’t know… he’d… grab me… He just… opened the… sphere…”

“I know, I felt it. Looks like I made the sacrifice for nothing… How you can imprison something in Limbo, is to sacrifice something dear to you…”

“…you…” Rolf didn’t need to finish the sentence.

“Yeah… Looks like it was for nothing. He figured out how to unravel it. Now he’s free in Limbo and you need to avoid it at-“

“I made a deal with him.”

His revelation was met with a stunned silence. He faintly heard Sirkka muttering something and Antony hushing her.

“He wants his anchor. He wants him back. I made a deal. I asked him, to tell me everything, why he did it. He agreed.”

“He tried to kill us all, Rolf…”

“I know, he did try, but should have just cut my throat when he had the chance. He didn’t. I need to know. We all need to know.”

He looked up, trying to blink the blurriness away. He could see Tony’s displeased face, Terhi’s unreadable expression, Lauri’s worried gaze and Aada’s piercing gaze.

“He helped you. He helped you out. You were too weak to get out of the Limbo. I saw him. He’s in pain. And confused. Like… a child who doesn’t know what to do…” Aada said suddenly.

“…yeah… I… I need to rest…”

“Not before I check you over,” Terhi said briskly, as Lauri managed to lift him back to bed.

Antony couldn’t fall asleep for hours after it. He watched silently, as others left, his mother resumed sleeping after muttering about devil worship and whatnot, while Lauri kept holding on to Rolf, falling onto exhausted sleep. In the dying light, he thought he saw Rolf crying. He fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.


	10. Kuin puinen lumihiutale

Next days the other shamans spent mostly talking with the Sámi, learning the old lore and new tricks, their anchors joining them. They were delighted to know more, to know what they hadn’t yet learned, what their predecessors had known or hadn’t known.

The eldest took out an old skin from a pouch, unfurling it before them, on the rug covered floor in Terhi and Noora’s shared cabin.

“These are the family lines we have kept record of…”

Tony and Terhi leaned in closer to see the dark lines and delicate writing.

“Oh wow… does my family really go that far?” he asked quietly, in disbelief. He found his grandmother’s name, then an unbroken line of shamans until the family line connected with few more unfamiliar lines, until branching into…

His finger bumped into Terhi’s hand, who had been following her familylines. “Well, what do you know, distant, really distant relatives…”

“We will add you and your families to this as well,” the elderly Sámi said, smiling as they looked eager to discover their families. Risto was quieter and followed his own family line upwards, back decades, until he hit a branch with a familiar ring to it. He started following it and came into a threeway split. Kurkela, Kylmänen, Uusimaa. The lines ended with names Johanna, Jarmo, Juha and Mikko.

“That’s them. Johanna, Aada’s mother, Juha and whom I presume is his brother and his anchor, Mikko…” Jyrki confirmed and brought them all to a silence.

“They were cousins. I remember them telling that, but they weren’t just cousins.”

“We heard only hearsay of the Kylmänen family. His family was found slaughtered in their kota, Juha covered in their blood, but unharmed. Mikko’s father took him in but their settlement died out and they left, haven’t heard of them since.”

“Do you remember the extremely cold winter and the near-distruction of the Spirit World? It was their doing… They were killed along with Tuomas, but Juha’s spirit was imprisoned to Limbo. He is loose in there now. He… he caught Rolf and nearly killed him again.”

“Is he still weakened?” Pyry asked as he was re-dressing Markus, who was squirming and nearly kicking him in the face.

“Yeah. Lauri and Antony help him there, but he’s been so much quieter and sort of… distant.” Tony said, having been checking the younger shaman every day. Looking at the giant family tree, with so much history, he felt a twinge of sadness, upon seeing certain names, Johanna and Jani, who had died rather young, his parents, Risto’s parents… The Sámi elder wrote new names on the tree, drawing a connecting line from Anderssen family to Kakko family and adding Kristian’s name. Aada’s name after Johanna’s. Sadly, the Liimatainen and Koskinen line didn’t have a descendant.

“What of those who don’t have recorded family history of shamans, but maybe a few clairvoyants?”

“We can mark them down, it’s only right.”

**~**~**

Rolf was trying to read but couldn’t find a good position. He was alone with Antony, as Lauri had gone to see how much food they had left. His chest kept burning with every move and his breath had constantly rattled after the incident. He finally found a position, but reading was slow. He had never fully mastered it and was slow, never really enjoying it, despite wanting to know, wanting to learn.

He glanced over to Antony, who had distanced himself from his mother and kept close to Rolf and Lauri, possibly from guilt. His cousin was pouring over a third book since coming here. He envied him for his ability to read fast and without difficulties.

“Rolf… I think you already told me… but when did you find out that you… you know… Found out that you aren’t… like others.”

He put down his book, having managed two pages. “Which do you mean? That I’m into men or that I’m a shaman?”

“Well…”

“I just… felt drawn to him as a teen… I was 15 or 16, he’s older than me and was married already. I don’t know. I just… felt drawn to him…”

“How much older?” Antony asked with slightly curious look on his face. “I’m not going to judge you like my mother would. I don’t find the idea of two men being together repulsive or anything. I’m simply curious.”

“Um… over ten years. 12 I think. Him and his wife often looked after me. Tampere is a dangerous place for a lone woman or a youngster to wander about. They did find a teen girl my age raped and beat to death. I overheard them talking about it. Anyway, I just felt sexually drawn to him and I could… sort of… feel him in my heart. That’s the way shamans feel their anchors. He became my anchor, but he is not spirit sensitive, he never felt me like that. I never thought it would be weird. It wasn’t until later, when it began to bother, that his wife didn’t know, but she had found out and was rather fine with it. I had cut our anchor bond by then and I just… I didn’t feel his love anymore, I…”

“You sort of… lost interest?” Antony offered as a reply.

“Sort of, yes. I would have dragged him to his death with me and I couldn’t do that, I had no right. Then I just… as much as I loved him, had to stop talking to him, seeing him. Hard to do in a community as tight-knit as this, but… We talked and he’s over it as well and I teach his son, so… And as for the other thing… I didn’t realize something was off until I got here. Whispers, moving objects, headaches, nosebleeds… It took me ages to manage them, I needed to believe. I needed to believe in them to get on top and start learning.”

“Does that apply to everybody? Who has… I dunno, the… shamanistic traits, as I’ve heard it being said.”

“I guess not. I’ve heard of getting burned, bitten by a wolf, nearly drowning, almost dying of hypothermia… I don’t understand why almost all those who have the traits, brush by death at least once… I did understand it a lot better after the torture, while I was recovering…” He stared at the ceiling, noting a cobweb and some dust dangling from it.

He didn’t see Antony looking at his right palm. A knock on the door brought them out of their respective musings. His cousin jumped up while Rolf barely made it to sit upright.

“I’m sorry, but I fell, and I need help…” an older man Pilve didn’t recognize came in, leaning heavily against his cane. He had a gash on his head and was bleeding all over his clothes.

“Oh crap…” slipped from Antony and he came to help the old man to sit by the fire, pressing the nearest rag he found against the wound. “Rolf, do you know what to do with this…”

“I’m not that good with these… We need to get the blood to stop flowing and clean it up. If it needs stitches, but I’ve never been good with that…” He was aware of the old man’s gaze on him, as he wrenched himself up and to his feet. Even the old man moved better than he did.

Together the cousins managed to get the cut cleaned, but it would sadly need stitches, to which they would need supplies and skills Rolf didn’t have.

“I’m sorry, I’ve tried to learn everything…”

“Don’t worry, lad, I know one can’t learn everything. Don’t worry. I haven’t heard anybody to speak ill of you and your skills.”

“Antony, could you-“

Tarja opened the door while holding Lumi. “Rolf? Oh, now I know where the blood came from. Are you alright?”

“Oh, hey. I feel alright, these young men have patched me up as well as they could.”

“It needs stitches, I think. I’m not sure…” Rolf said and backed up a couple of steps, before sinking onto a seat.

Tarja lifted a bag she always carried, a rudimentary first aid kit with other hand and then handed Lumi to Antony. “I’ll have a look. I’ve patched up you so many times I know how to stitch. I was just passing by, trying to get Lumi to sleep, when I saw the blood and all. Ah, yeah, this takes maybe a stitch or two.”

“Go ahead. I’ve felt worse pain in my life.”

“I’m not that cruel, you know. Rolf, some soothing draught would be good.”

The shaman set to work on making some to take the edge off the pain, while Tarja prepared her stitching kit. Antony, who wasn’t too keen on seeing the actual stitching, walked around the cabin, rocking pouting and whimpering Lumi.

They were otherwise silent while they were waiting for the draught to finish steeping. As soon as the patient old man had gotten the draught and said the dull ache had lessened, Tarja had set to work with Rolf observing on, while Antony was trying to keep Lumi from slapping him in the face.

”Want me to sing to you, would that calm you down? Kuin puinen lumihiutale, lastu karkaa tuuleen… Hän veistää kehdon lapselleen syntymättömälle… Hän kirjeen kotiin kirjoittaa, kysyy rakkaimmaltaan, sä tunnetko jo liikeensä uuden ajan siellä…

On jouluyö vaan tykit nuo, ei tuoneet joulun rauhaa… On jouluyö vaan sotilaat, ei saaneet joulurauhaa… Vaan vielä tulee joulu, kun luonas olla saan ja päivä ilman sotaa, me silloin kohdataan…” Antony began to sing quietly, making Lumi fall silent. When he lifted his gaze, he was stared at by three pairs of eyes.

“What?”

“Your voice…” Tarja began, eyes wide.

“Sorry, I’m not much of a singer, but-“

“I’ve only seen Tony and Risto be able to do that…”

He felt awkward and tried to look away from Tarja’s studying gaze, but then he saw the look on Rolf’s face.

“…what else can you do?”

“What do you mean?” he stared his cousin in confusion. “I’m not good at anything really.”

“You… you are like me, aren’t you?”

Antony looked away, petting Lumi’s back instead.

“That boy sure can sing, I felt really at ease too. He could sing me to sleep when the full moon keeps me awake…” the old man muttered.

“What else can you do?” Rolf asked again.

Antony set sleeping Lumi on his bed and returned to the fire, staring it for a while, before taking a deep breath while raising his hand, exhaling and then bringing it down.

The fire went out suddenly.

“Oh my god your element is fire.”


End file.
